Shit Not Going My Way

Shit Not Going My Way

Today’s message is all about how much time we spend in the turmoil of frustration.

Context: a part of my Organizational Consulting business is when I am organizing, clients will have me sell some of their items. then I take a portion of the commission.

A couple of weeks ago I had scheduled an entire day to drive over an hour and sell a bunch of items. And then… I had a couple of buyers not show up.

I sat in my car and just was beyond myself in anger and frustration. I was so annoyed with how few people are their word and disrespect others. I couldn’t get the feeling to pass and I still had more to do that day.

I told myself that I needed to drop the feeling and even though I said this to myself. I didn’t actually drop it. I was still harboring my annoyance. I had to pick up one more item and was meeting another buyer in a city closer to my/their home.

I get to the meeting location. I confirm with this individual no less than 6 times that they understand and know where the meeting spot is. They let me know they were running late from work and would arrive 20 mins after our agreed upon time.

I figure no big deal I am parked outside of the 2 stores I needed to go into after the meet up and now I could use this downtime to complete those two tasks.

I come out of errands and now it is 25-30 minutes later and they are no where to be found.

I message and they said they were looking for the location.

I sent them the address.

Another 10 minutes pass. I now have been waiting for them for 40 minutes.

At this point I did something I have never done before.

I yelled. I yelled at another human. I yelled at this human to insert the damn address into their GPS instead of just driving around looking for the location they picked out. There were a lot of other choice words.

I didn’t just want to drive away because then I would have been stuck with this object in my car or apartment for an extended amount of time.

Finally after an hour and 5 minutes they show.

They gave me an additional 15% because of my hassle and I was FUMING at this point.

I decide to go do some retail therapy. I had a gift card for REI. This way I could still comply with my No Clothes Shopping 1 Year and possibly pick out something nice.

I drove over to REI happily and walked around. I found the below sweater on the sale rounder. Perfect wool sweater for cold weather and specifically snowboarding.

I delightfully walked to the desk and handed them my gift card. The woman kind of stared at me and let me know that they had switched to a new computer system that morning and all gift cards no longer worked. She assured me she would be able to get the money off and onto the new cards but she would need to call the headquarters. This entire process would be 20-25 minutes to complete.

I kind of just closed my eyes and sighed and knew it was the epic ended to my day.

I complied and asked if there was anything I could do to make the process go faster. I asked if I could continue to browse while she worked through her process. I stayed calm and knew I just needed to surrender to my day and whatever the universe had planned for me. I had been fighting time and people and systems for 9+ hours.

I delightfully wandered REI.

My patience and being in a place of peace paid off. When I was called back to the front, the manager was so thankful for my patience and even temper they awarded me an additional 20% off of the sweater.

I had not cleared the frustration out of my space. Once I actually surrendered to just standing in the situation of where I was at, the universe said “Yes.” Frustration is an internal feeling and even when shit is not going your way the frustration is not felt by anyone else besides you. At this point, I could have done anything else besides be annoyed.

It is all choice. How many days are you spending like this?

Frustration or peace, it’s all your choice of how you’re willing to spend your time.

No Clothes Shopping for 1 Year

No Clothes Shopping for 1 Year

When I consolidated my student loans with Lendkey in 2018, I decided to take on an extra $100 per month to pay the loans off in 5 years instead of 7 years. (Click here for blog about refinancing). I had to figure out where I was going to get the extra money each month in my budget.

I decided to take on the challenge of not buying clothes for an entire year. I “NEEDED” nothing, just a lot of wants.

On Black Friday of 2018 I bought some socks and essentials and a few things for in the gym and started the 1 year of no clothes.

Guidelines:
  1. I can buy clothes from a second hand store with a maximum $10 per item limit.
  2. I can accept clothes from other people as gifts.
  3. If I am given a gift card, I can use it to buy something new, BUT I am not allowed to ask for gift cards.
So far what I have learned:
  • I have had so many WANTS over the past 7 months.
  • I regularly add things to my cart and then put them back.
  • I avoid shopping with friends and ask them to do activities instead.
  • I have manifested more clothes in the past 7 months than I could have purchased. The wants did not go away and I didn’t judged how I acquired the clothes. So many people have given me things, it is crazy. I love watching how the universe is providing me the things I want. My style has completely evolved to include more colors, more freedom and great fitting items.
Manifestations:
  • My glamorous grandma passed away and we were the same size. My grandpa let me pick out items I wanted to wear to continue her legend. Shoes, leather pants, fur vests, etc.
  • I went to dinner with a group of friends and someone had bags of clothes they were trying to get rid of. A few dresses and tops!
  • Clients were downsizing their closets and offered to me that I could take anything I wanted before taking the rest to be donated. Dresses, pants, tops!
  • Someone gave me a few gift cards.
  • A girlfriend found a shirt that made her think of me and it fits perfect!

Someone gave me this shirt, I couldn’t have found something to match these shorts so perfectly.

I am having so much fun with this, that I may just keep going. I have a few things that I know I would buy on Black Friday and now I am working on manifesting exactly what I want that day including the price I want to pay. Let the games begin!

Love Knows No Bounds

Love Knows No Bounds

Love is like an open hand filled with Play Dough.

The Play Dough can take any shape it wants in an open hand. It can take the shape of heart, pet, house, friendship but it knows no bounds in an open hand. It can spread and it can grow. It can be thick and thin.

Love, like an open hand of Play Dough, knows no bounds, beginning or and end. If you allow it to “just be” it then it will continue to grow.

Love doesn’t know restrictions or space.

When you put restrictions on it and start to close your hand it seeps out in all the spaces you don’t want it.

Just like you do not love one child more than another, you cannot force another person to love in one way. You cannot control their love and you cannot force them to start or stop. When you begin to try to mold love it comes out in all the spaces you don’t want to.

If a relationship ends, the love does not end. The relationship changes and the love continues.

Love is in a friendship, it is in the heart of a pet and it touches us. If you are able to accept love for all that it is and all that it isn’t, then love knows no bounds.

And so it is.

Wellness: Cheetah Print

Wellness: Cheetah Print

For many years I have struggled with my health and wellness. From the outside I am put together, fit and “well”. The reality is that I have struggled. I have strugged with skin conditions, hormone inbalances, immune suppression, and digestive problems. I have spent close to $10,000 on testing, medications, doctor visitis and supplements. I have had all sorts of  diagnoses: gluten intollerance (which was then negated), candida, allergy to the female hormones, PMDD, high recommendation that I do not have children, and the list goes on.

About 5 years ago I was sick of everything and I quit going to doctors all together. I take care of myself and I figured my body would eventually just balance.

I experience highs, lows, frustration, saddness and insecurities. These are all symptoms you can’t see. From the time I was 12, I had a never ending menstrual cycle. To this day my hormones are all over the place, so I’ve chosen to go with an IUD.  Even with this, I still experience a cycle.

This year I have gone down the path of working to heal my life and try different experiements. My goal is to optimize my human performance in the gym and in my every day life. Personal development school, hiring coaches, trying new doctors and all sorts of things to live as long and as healhty as possible.

I can tell my gut health is not the best and I am consuming soemthing my body is adverse to because I have what I call “Cheetah Print”. You can see in this picture. There are some spots on my neck and chest. I call this my cheetah print.

The cheetah print covers most of my body. It changes colors depending on the time of year, the clothes I wear and things I eat. I’ve had them on and off most of my life. If I do a Candida cleanse, they can go away but that’s just as awful three months of just eating green beans, clay and protein.

I also recently learned that this is hereditary, a few of my aunts also have cheetah print. I’m lucky right now that it has not spread to my face. I do a lot of skin care because I have acne.

I experience a lot of anxiety and insecurities because of the spots. Ego sometimes takes over the human form and I just want the outside to match the inside.

I realize that the root cause is likely something I’m consuming. Now I and this platform are going on the journey of research, experiments and progress.

Here goes everything.

And so it is.

Top 5: Online Dating Tips to “Hook” the One

Top 5: Online Dating Tips to “Hook” the One

These are 5 things that will help set your online dating profile apart for the mediocre and help you communicate who you are through the screen.

I was on vacation alone in Fort Lauderdale, FL (I do this every other year) and I decided to take myself to dinner. I put on a favorite dress and a pair of new pink flip-flops and allowed Google to give me walking directions to a restaurant on the causeway.

The staff seated me on the dock at The Pirates Republic while the owner of the restaurant suggested a meal for me. My back was facing towards the restaurant and I sat in peace, drink in hand, watching the sun set over the water.

My time alone turned into a dateless date when three hilarious gentleman were seated behind me. I could tell by their voices that they were in the age range of 55-65 and then then one of their son’s who was 20 joined them.

Information Gathered:

  • Man A: In a relationship with a woman from Michigan and happy, had experience dating online, had been on 52 different coffee dates and owns his own yachting company.
  • Man B: The father of the 20 year old,  currently on Match.com, having a hard time finding someone, owns a construction roofing business. Felt like women only showing pictures of them in exotic places is fake. He felt like he had “thrown back” some of the good fish to keep some bad. He is convinced that Midwest girls are sweet and yet hard working.
  • Son: Working as a roofer and was out of his previous relationship but still talked to his ex girlfriend every day. Convinced that girls from Wisconsin are crazy.

As the evening evolved these three made me laugh and their advice to each other and conversation were pure GOLD. Man A was trying to give advice to Man B about what to do with his Match.com profile to get him to stand out.  The three decided that you shouldn’t marry someone unless you’ve been together for 5 years and been living together for 18 months.

I paid for my meal. I got up to leave and finally got to turn around to see the faces of the three men. I thanked them for making my evening very entertaining.

I told Man A that I had double the number of first dates that he had been on. They were so intrigued, they asked me to join them. I confirmed and suggested to all three that coffee dates are the perfect way to meet someone. You can tell if they are interest within the first 5 minutes, so there is no reason to spend more than $5.

To Man B, I began to describe the   “big 5” that I suggested he needed to include in his dating profile.

These are my 5 things to include in your profile:

  1. A non negotiable
  2. Something that you do daily
  3. How to describe you personality
  4. Something you hate/strongly dislike
  5. Something that will make them think or research.

I described to the group how I would have put these into practice.

  1. I would include that fitness is a non negotiable, but the way I would describe this in my profile is bold and direct.  “I workout daily and if you don’t currently lift I’m likely stronger than you. I am also a personal trainer but not yours.” This describes that I mean business and that I am not interested in adding clients.
  2. “I meditate daily.” This describes that this is a huge part of my life and if it doesn’t match their view point it could be a point of contention in the long run.
  3. “You could describe my personality as Jameson on the rocks.” I wouldn’t say why but this leaves it as a conversation starter. I asked someone how they would describe me and this was PERFECT so, I ran with it. I suggest you talk to a sibling or a best friend and see what they say.
  4. “I HATE the dishes.” I think this is not only funny but starts a relationship/conversation with a new light. This is something you know about yourself and at some point you are going to be able to say, “Remember in my online profile, when I said i hated _____, I wasn’t kidding.”
  5. “RFFYM, and I cook accordingly.” This stands for Real Food Fits Your Macros. If someone didn’t know this expression they would have to look it up but also would get a good idea about how I eat and that I can cook. If they get to this point and they actually research the topic… they are probably pretty interested and are likely to start up a conversation.

Overall there are plenty of things that you can include but setting yourself apart from the masses will allow you to sort out the individuals that are not actually interested. I also suggested that you talk about yourself vs. what you’re looking for.

If they don’t like what you have to say then it doesn’t matter if they can keep up. Don’t be general, be specific so both of you can move past the “fluff.”

I quickly helped Man B talk through some starting points. He started with this list:

  1. He likes someone shorter than him.
  2. He likes a Midwest girl because he feels like they are hard working and sweet.
  3. He likes to travel but appreciates more of the adventurous spirit vs. the lavish.
  4. He loves to spend time with his kids.
  5. Dating is expensive
  6. Work around the house is something he enjoyed.
  7. Enjoyed his construction company

This list turned into the following

  1. A non negotiable
    • My kids come first.
  2. Something that you do daily.
    • Construction is my life; I am always looking at the way things are built or the next project.
  3. How to describe you personality
    • You can describe my personality as a 6′ gentle giant. (This way he could talk about how he is kind but also likes someone that is a bit shorter than him).
  4. Something you hate/strongly dislike
    • I hate lavish meet ups that don’t go anywhere. Let’s actually go somewhere, coffee and a stroll or drive. You pick the spot.
  5. Something that will make them think or research.
    • Favorite Midwest City is Chicago.

I made sure they knew that they needed to set standards for both themselves and a partner. Take a serious look at their online profiles and don’t just say “Hey”. She is never going to respond if that’s all you say.

I feel like the few minutes I spent with them made an impact and they not only laughed but also will take a serious look at their online profiles.  Be strong, have conviction and don’t settle.

Prior to leaving, I looked at the son and said. “I am from Wisconsin, we are not all crazy.”

Featured Photo: Jameson on the rocks, a whole red snapper at the Pirates Republic in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. The atmosphere is relaxed, the food is fantastic and the staff are top notch! I recommend everyone check this place out!

Fear is Excitement without Breath

Fear is Excitement without Breath

I have been taking with a lot of people about fear recently and then a wonderful woman in my life talked about excitement and it all fell together. Fear is what holds us back and keeps us small. Our ego steps in whenever their is opportunity for growth and brings up the fears around that potential growth. You have to be able to take the leap, be unreasonable and trust that on the other side of fear will be growth and a world of wonder that you would have never dreamed possible.

Fear is healthy but also is an opportunity. Fear is what makes you act in actual unsafe situations. But, with practice you will be able to determine what is unsafe vs. what is ego.

Your natural fight or flight does not need to be activated all the time. Fight or flight is your entire system being in a state of excitement. Your senses are heightened and you are READY. In this situation you are without breath. You are only in action mode. In danger this is perfect because all you can do is act. When you start to feel this excitement I challenge you to take a breath.

Take a breath.

Bring yourself back into your body.

Question if you are actually in danger.

Question the way ego is keeping you small.

Question what would your life be like if you acted out of excitement vs. fear.

When you are ready to grow you will come RIGHT up to the edge of change. You will be in a state of excitement. Ego will step in and tell you all the reasons that you should not take the action to move on the other side of the line.

Ready for the real reflection?

Ready for the real reflection?

All relationships are a mirror.

You may not be ready for it and when the relationship is going sour, it can be hard but you need to take a deep dive inside during these hard times so both people in the relationship can rise.

The universe will provide you each person who you need at exactly the right time in order for you to peel away a layer and understand more about yourself. You just have to be ready and willing to stare that mirror in the face until you can figure out what it is reflecting back on you.

You. You. You.

It all rolls back to you. Instead of point the finger at the other person, I recommend that you first need to start by pointing it at yourself. If you actually take this look inside you will see how or the ways you changed yourself during that relationship. What “little things” did that person do to you or what are the things that just drove you crazy? What were you not able to communicate? What were you not able to hear in what they were saying. What filter are you seeing them through. What blinders have you put on.

Examples:

When he/she said they want you to be honest no matter what, and then you just omitted some of the details, then you did not hear what they said.

I am not condoning violence or verbal abuse or any bad situations.

I want everyone to take a dive inside and REALLY look at yourself. How are you hearing people and what of your personal issues are you filtering conversations through?

Sometimes mirrors show up that you may not be ready for. If you are not ready to look yourself in the mirror in a pit-fall of a relationship, you will create the same issue inside a different one. (Sound familiar? “I just cant seem to meet a nice guy/girl?” “I only date bad guys/girls.” ) Sometimes when you wake up and realize it was you… then you can see people and old relationships through a whole new lens and possibility.

This work is hard. This work is meaningful but this hard, meaningful work on yourself will allow your relationships and your communication to soar.

There is so much opportunity if you are willing to be vulnerable and listen to your own stories you are see people live into. It takes two to tango and 50% of that relationship is you vs. 100% of what is being done “to you”.

Watch your patterns and see them and when someone asks you about them instead of becoming defensive really look at why things are stressing you out. It is an internal reflection that is there for you to choose.

I recently went through this with a partner. They wouldn’t respond to my calls or my messages. I had a bit of a melt down but then choose to look inside to see what was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong to change them and push them away. After a few days, I was able to finally see later that the way I was acting was also pushing them away. When I go up into my head instead of just sharing with them I create the push away.

By me not sharing that they had not called me babe I was creating an emotional barrier of “I guess I am not good enough.” By sharing this vulnerability and need I opened myself up and shared how it affected me and then was able to get into their shoes and really support them through their own struggles. By sharing where my brain goes and telling them I was not feeling “good enough” we broke down a mirror and we are able to see eachother again.

The reason you see it in someone else is because you can see it inside yourself.

What reflections are you ready to see? What ones are you working on? Which ones keep showing up?

And so it is.