Top 5: Online Dating Tips to “Hook” the One

These are 5 things that will help set your online dating profile apart for the mediocre and help you communicate who you are through the screen.

I was on vacation alone in Fort Lauderdale, FL (I do this every other year) and I decided to take myself to dinner. I put on a favorite dress and a pair of new pink flip-flops and allowed Google to give me walking directions to a restaurant on the causeway.

The staff seated me on the dock at The Pirates Republic while the owner of the restaurant suggested a meal for me. My back was facing towards the restaurant and I sat in peace, drink in hand, watching the sun set over the water.

My time alone turned into a dateless date when three hilarious gentleman were seated behind me. I could tell by their voices that they were in the age range of 55-65 and then then one of their son’s who was 20 joined them.

Information Gathered:

  • Man A: In a relationship with a woman from Michigan and happy, had experience dating online, had been on 52 different coffee dates and owns his own yachting company.
  • Man B: The father of the 20 year old,  currently on Match.com, having a hard time finding someone, owns a construction roofing business. Felt like women only showing pictures of them in exotic places is fake. He felt like he had “thrown back” some of the good fish to keep some bad. He is convinced that Midwest girls are sweet and yet hard working.
  • Son: Working as a roofer and was out of his previous relationship but still talked to his ex girlfriend every day. Convinced that girls from Wisconsin are crazy.

As the evening evolved these three made me laugh and their advice to each other and conversation were pure GOLD. Man A was trying to give advice to Man B about what to do with his Match.com profile to get him to stand out.  The three decided that you shouldn’t marry someone unless you’ve been together for 5 years and been living together for 18 months.

I paid for my meal. I got up to leave and finally got to turn around to see the faces of the three men. I thanked them for making my evening very entertaining.

I told Man A that I had double the number of first dates that he had been on. They were so intrigued, they asked me to join them. I confirmed and suggested to all three that coffee dates are the perfect way to meet someone. You can tell if they are interest within the first 5 minutes, so there is no reason to spend more than $5.

To Man B, I began to describe the   “big 5” that I suggested he needed to include in his dating profile.

These are my 5 things to include in your profile:

  1. A non negotiable
  2. Something that you do daily
  3. How to describe you personality
  4. Something you hate/strongly dislike
  5. Something that will make them think or research.

I described to the group how I would have put these into practice.

  1. I would include that fitness is a non negotiable, but the way I would describe this in my profile is bold and direct.  “I workout daily and if you don’t currently lift I’m likely stronger than you. I am also a personal trainer but not yours.” This describes that I mean business and that I am not interested in adding clients.
  2. “I meditate daily.” This describes that this is a huge part of my life and if it doesn’t match their view point it could be a point of contention in the long run.
  3. “You could describe my personality as Jameson on the rocks.” I wouldn’t say why but this leaves it as a conversation starter. I asked someone how they would describe me and this was PERFECT so, I ran with it. I suggest you talk to a sibling or a best friend and see what they say.
  4. “I HATE the dishes.” I think this is not only funny but starts a relationship/conversation with a new light. This is something you know about yourself and at some point you are going to be able to say, “Remember in my online profile, when I said i hated _____, I wasn’t kidding.”
  5. “RFFYM, and I cook accordingly.” This stands for Real Food Fits Your Macros. If someone didn’t know this expression they would have to look it up but also would get a good idea about how I eat and that I can cook. If they get to this point and they actually research the topic… they are probably pretty interested and are likely to start up a conversation.

Overall there are plenty of things that you can include but setting yourself apart from the masses will allow you to sort out the individuals that are not actually interested. I also suggested that you talk about yourself vs. what you’re looking for.

If they don’t like what you have to say then it doesn’t matter if they can keep up. Don’t be general, be specific so both of you can move past the “fluff.”

I quickly helped Man B talk through some starting points. He started with this list:

  1. He likes someone shorter than him.
  2. He likes a Midwest girl because he feels like they are hard working and sweet.
  3. He likes to travel but appreciates more of the adventurous spirit vs. the lavish.
  4. He loves to spend time with his kids.
  5. Dating is expensive
  6. Work around the house is something he enjoyed.
  7. Enjoyed his construction company

This list turned into the following

  1. A non negotiable
    • My kids come first.
  2. Something that you do daily.
    • Construction is my life; I am always looking at the way things are built or the next project.
  3. How to describe you personality
    • You can describe my personality as a 6′ gentle giant. (This way he could talk about how he is kind but also likes someone that is a bit shorter than him).
  4. Something you hate/strongly dislike
    • I hate lavish meet ups that don’t go anywhere. Let’s actually go somewhere, coffee and a stroll or drive. You pick the spot.
  5. Something that will make them think or research.
    • Favorite Midwest City is Chicago.

I made sure they knew that they needed to set standards for both themselves and a partner. Take a serious look at their online profiles and don’t just say “Hey”. She is never going to respond if that’s all you say.

I feel like the few minutes I spent with them made an impact and they not only laughed but also will take a serious look at their online profiles.  Be strong, have conviction and don’t settle.

Prior to leaving, I looked at the son and said. “I am from Wisconsin, we are not all crazy.”

Featured Photo: Jameson on the rocks, a whole red snapper at the Pirates Republic in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. The atmosphere is relaxed, the food is fantastic and the staff are top notch! I recommend everyone check this place out!

Hairball on the street

I picked up my cat, Moo, from my mom’s house in Wisconsin on Monday. (Mom had been cat-sitting while i was traveling and being crazy busy for the past two months). This persistent, 7lbs, 13 year old cat demands that the temperature of the car is 72 degrees and she must sit in the driver’s lap. This makes for a furry and long car ride. Other than these two demands she is not too bad of a travel companion.

I was driving to the middle of IL to pick up some tables that one of my staff purchased. It was about 50 minutes out of my way and it would have been over 3 hours one way for her.

I am about to pull into the house of this woman that had the tables when all of a sudden Moo begins to make “the hairball sound”. Any cat parent knows this sound. I knew I had about 15 seconds to figure something out.

All of a sudden I begin to panic because I have nothing in arms reach for her to puke on besides myself and I was not fond of the idea of being covered in cat puke right before I meet the woman I am buying tables from or for the duration of my trip. I am in the middle of a country road, surrounded by corn fields and a few houses.

I stop my car in the middle of the street, whip open the door, swing my legs out the door and plant my feet on the ground while seated in the car. I place Moo in the middle of the street between my feet and let her puke. With 1 hand on either side of her I start giggling at the fact that now there is cat puke/hairball in the middle of this street. Some random dog is gonna have a weird snack later.

1 hairball later, I placed Moo back into my lap and we continued on our way to get the tables.

The breakup that made me cry … from laughing

I met “Olympics” while working a very stressful summer job. This job was full steam ahead 100% of the time and we worked between 40 and 60 hours in a 3 to 4 day period. There were high emotions and dilution after little sleep and long hours. I wasn’t sure if Olympics even noticed me my first weekend but over the summer we quickly got to know each other and spend more and more time together.

He was interesting because not only did we have a love for athletics but he was studying the law of attraction and was a massage therapist. He had this charming smile and light blue eyes. He had a six year old son and was renting from his parents while practicing for the winter Olympics.

Our first interaction, not on a work weekend, he had invited me to get a massage. I thought nothing of it because I have had many male masseuse prior to meeting Olympics. He was professional, kind and actually a decent massage therapist. We got to know eachother the weeks after that and he confessed that he was actually interested in me. We lived about an hour from each other but made it work because we had to spend every weekend together and during the week I had my other job.

I remember the first time I met his parents and I was super nervous. His mom had asked us to go set the table and I literally was so nervous I blanked out and could not remember which side the fork vs. spoon and knife go on.

We sat down and his dad blankly said, “Who on earth set this table?” I blushed and admitted to him I had set the table but at least I was dyslexic.

He found this quite interesting because Olympics was also dyslexic. He had many questions about my success in life and how I managed to adapt. As a child I was given a tutor, skills, and I have a lot of internal determination. I don’t see it as a hindrance and I see it as a creative opportunity to be the best list maker ever. I could see in his father’s face that I was very different than Olympics and I was never looking at dyslexia to be a crutch. Olympics and his family had a different outlook on dyslexia. I was still mortified that I had set the table incorrectly.

I was living alone in this tiny apartment in Milwaukee and was robbed. Olympics rushed to comfort me and I asked him to stay. He was traveling down daily to practice for the Olympics so it made sense for him just to stay and also it was comforting to know that someone would be there after the robbery.

Now I look back and say “oh my, I can’t believe two people lived in that space.” I think the whole apartment was maybe 500 sq ft. I learned in this relationship that I can be territorial.

School started back up and now I was working 20 to 30 hours and going to school full-time and still working some of my other jobs. I was getting up at 4 o’clock every morning, going to the gym before school. After class I would go home for a bit and then off to work from 2 to 8 PM. Basically, I was gone all the time and had very little time to myself or to catch up with other people.

At this point Olympics was living with me and not contributing much. I told him he could stay and look for a job but then it was a month or more of him watching movies and relaxing after practice and little to no job searching. With my driven personality this s⁂⁂t started to get to me.

Can you imagine this, I’m working more than 1 job and going to school full-time and he’s watching movies in my tiny apartment!?!

The moment I knew I needed to talk to him was the moment I got up in the morning to go to the gym at 4 AM and I open the fridge to grab my meal prep food and it was all gone.

Anyone that knows me, knows how territorial I am when it comes to food. On the weekends I spend time cooking and making sure that I have everything ready for the week. Don’t touch my macros.

I wanted to have a conversation with him that day in order to make sure that he understood that I needed him to go get a job and help support us but also needed him to understand the importance of my food being available when I needed it at 4 AM. It wasn’t about the food it was about the lack of communication that there was no food.

He had not contribute anything to this apartment, he only brought his stuff and put it in the drawers and baskets I had given him.

How the relationship ended:

On this particular day, I was in class and sent them a message to see if he was going to be home around 2 o’clock in order to get ready for work. I let him know that I was hoping that I could see him and talk to him before we both left for the afternoon. He was cautious and questioned about what I wanted to talk about and I just said I would like to talk to him when I got home.

I got out of class and went home to find a completely empty apartment.

Not just empty, but like he had taken all of his stuff and moved out. I said I wanted to talk and have a conversation about our relationship and he literally moved out. Not only did he move his stuff out but he made sure to leave the drawers open and tip the baskets over just to make sure I could see that his stuff was gone.

I was kind of distraught, upset and weirded out but at the same time I just needed to get my head straight, get into the shower and get ready for work.

I got into the shower and this is where I uncontrollably could not stop LAUGHING. The only thing he had contributed to the entire apartment was a bar of soap. Which he took!!!

Really, really, who takes the bar of soap?!? The only thing Olympics contributed and he took it with him!! Holy s⁂⁂t, it was so funny.

Later that day he said that he thought we just needed some time and some space apart. I was very vocal and direct, to let him know that he was not welcome back and that our relationship had ended. If he was so afraid to talk to me and he would just leave then this was never going to work long-term.

Things I know now:

  • If you are one determined person and the person you’re seeing is exactly opposite it may not work.
  • If you were territorial in any way, tell someone from the beginning.
  • If in your mind you have a timeline that you want the other person to abide to, tell them.
  • If the person literally runs away, you don’t have to take them back.
  • Don’t take the soap.

Things I appreciated and added to my “list”:

  • I loved that he was an athlete, it’s a huge thing we had in common.
  • He always did the dishes, even after he ate my food.
  • He had a lot of joy in the simplicity of the things around him, we could just sit and watch a sunrise and be perfectly content.

And so it is.