Hairball on the street

I picked up my cat, Moo, from my mom’s house in Wisconsin on Monday. (Mom had been cat-sitting while i was traveling and being crazy busy for the past two months). This persistent, 7lbs, 13 year old cat demands that the temperature of the car is 72 degrees and she must sit in the driver’s lap. This makes for a furry and long car ride. Other than these two demands she is not too bad of a travel companion.

I was driving to the middle of IL to pick up some tables that one of my staff purchased. It was about 50 minutes out of my way and it would have been over 3 hours one way for her.

I am about to pull into the house of this woman that had the tables when all of a sudden Moo begins to make “the hairball sound”. Any cat parent knows this sound. I knew I had about 15 seconds to figure something out.

All of a sudden I begin to panic because I have nothing in arms reach for her to puke on besides myself and I was not fond of the idea of being covered in cat puke right before I meet the woman I am buying tables from or for the duration of my trip. I am in the middle of a country road, surrounded by corn fields and a few houses.

I stop my car in the middle of the street, whip open the door, swing my legs out the door and plant my feet on the ground while seated in the car. I place Moo in the middle of the street between my feet and let her puke. With 1 hand on either side of her I start giggling at the fact that now there is cat puke/hairball in the middle of this street. Some random dog is gonna have a weird snack later.

1 hairball later, I placed Moo back into my lap and we continued on our way to get the tables.

The List

The list is a concept that goes with manifestation but also recognition of the things you want in your life.

The list is a literally a list of qualities, actions, features, and dreams you want to find while looking for your significant other. This is a list that evolves and changes over time. It doesn’t matter how long or how short or how many times you change “the list”. The important thing is to continue to add to it while you meet people.

You do not have to add to this list only after dates but after meeting any person and finding and noticing a quality that you’d like to see in your other.

Example list:

  • Boldness.
  • The way he looked at me, made me feel like I was the only person in the room.
  • Someone with the strength to make me feel safe.
  • The way he makes me laugh so hard that I could pee myself.
  • How well he knew me. Instead of being annoyed that I need to stop in the car to pee, it became a joke. “I bet you have to pee in 3 miles.”
  • Sends me dumb memes.
  • When his hand always seems to find mine.
  • Expects me to rise and challenges me to be a better person.
  • Someone that understands the intimacy of kissing my forehead.
  • Pet friendly.

You do not have to add to this list only after dates. You can learn things from all people round you. What about your co-worker, a friend or a stranger do you LOVE and would love to see in your partner. Notice the qualities and add to your list.

Example additions:

  • I want someone that “lights up” like the little old man at the gym that greets me at the door every day.
  • I want to go on random coffee and cupcake dates like I have with my gay-best-friend.
  • I like that my boss always takes my ideas into consideration. I don’t expect them to respond immediately but I want someone that can have a conversation with me.
  • Respects my career like my staff do.

This is an opportunity to always grow. I challenge you to find the positive in every person you encounter, not matter how challenging the situation. What is one thing you want to walk always with that you want your next date to mimic.

Someday, when you are ready all the things on your list will show up in one person. Cherish it. It can be scary. It can be terrifying. You will find yourself pushing them away because you will need to determine and find inside yourself that you are worthy of the wonderful person you’ve been working on manifesting for YEARS.

For now, have fun. Learn from every person and add, delete and edit your list. Do not be surprised by the beautiful ways that your list shows up exactly the way you asked.

Always add and repeat to yourself when you review your list, “Or something better.”

And so it is.

Featured Photo: My lifelong friend is an amazing owner, makeup artist and esthetician of Wildflower Beauty in Lake Mill Wisconsin. She has always been self-driven, creative and unique. She married her tall dark and handsome husband in 2017.  I adore her, her family and her never ending love for life.

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After intimacy, he changed.

While helping people I hear this all to often.

 

“He was amazing and sweet and we had some great dates and then we got intimate and he changed. His communication change, he drifted away. I am anxious that I ruined things.”

Everyone gets nervous.

This is my pep-talk to anyone that may be experiencing this type of anxiety.

 

Know that everything you have, and everything you have to offer is AMAZING! You are more than sex! If that’s all he was trying to go after then you deserve better. You need to know that you’re worth amazing. You are worth your wildest dreams and then more!

 

If he wants to walk away form AMAZING, let him walk.

 

State what happened. ” We were dating and then we got initiate. After getting intimate he no longer talks to me the say way.” This is exactly what happened. The story you are telling yourself is where you are driving yourself crazy. Nothing in what happened did he say that you are not worth his love, or that he is not interested. Your anxiety is rising from the “meaning” you are assigning to what happened.

 

After those great dates and good conversation you have things to add or delete from “your list“. You can add that you loved the way he talked to you, greeted you and made you smile. You deserve that all the time not just before getting intimate.

 

Set yourself up as an expectation for dates to rise to.

“How do you do that?”

 

State exactly what you expect, and don’t always give in. Don’t always be available. Live your life and fit them in when you can.

 

If you get too annoyed and he is starting to trail off, just cut it off and move on. He is not worth “wondering” if he can’t understand your worth. State exactly what your expectations were and are.

 

Example:

“I love the way you talked to me in the beginning. Because you gave me that, it became a standard and an expectation. You proved to me that you’re capable of it. After we became intimate you decided to back off and I’m on not OK with that. I want more that you currently are giving me. I am going to back off and wish you luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for but I am going to look for someone that can rise to my standards.”

 

You are not accusing him of anything, you are not assuming anything. You are simply stating the truth and sharing that your current needs and expectations are not being met. What happened and not the story.

And so it is.

 

 

Featured photo: I worked with this beautiful, strong, independent woman, Teral when I lived in Milwaukee. She is someone that always creates her own path, her own style and lives the life she wants to live. No matter what gets thrown at her she comes out stronger, more creative and presents herself with an positive outlook. She

Teral is the owner of Salvage Apparel and Neck Ties & High Heels in Milwaukee, WI. She has taken second hand shopping to a whole new level by creating unique, bold and strong sense of personal style for her customers.  

Check out Salvage Apparel today!

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The breakup that made me cry … from laughing

I met “Olympics” while working a very stressful summer job. This job was full steam ahead 100% of the time and we worked between 40 and 60 hours in a 3 to 4 day period. There were high emotions and dilution after little sleep and long hours. I wasn’t sure if Olympics even noticed me my first weekend but over the summer we quickly got to know each other and spend more and more time together.

He was interesting because not only did we have a love for athletics but he was studying the law of attraction and was a massage therapist. He had this charming smile and light blue eyes. He had a six year old son and was renting from his parents while practicing for the winter Olympics.

Our first interaction, not on a work weekend, he had invited me to get a massage. I thought nothing of it because I have had many male masseuse prior to meeting Olympics. He was professional, kind and actually a decent massage therapist. We got to know eachother the weeks after that and he confessed that he was actually interested in me. We lived about an hour from each other but made it work because we had to spend every weekend together and during the week I had my other job.

I remember the first time I met his parents and I was super nervous. His mom had asked us to go set the table and I literally was so nervous I blanked out and could not remember which side the fork vs. spoon and knife go on.

We sat down and his dad blankly said, “Who on earth set this table?” I blushed and admitted to him I had set the table but at least I was dyslexic.

He found this quite interesting because Olympics was also dyslexic. He had many questions about my success in life and how I managed to adapt. As a child I was given a tutor, skills, and I have a lot of internal determination. I don’t see it as a hindrance and I see it as a creative opportunity to be the best list maker ever. I could see in his father’s face that I was very different than Olympics and I was never looking at dyslexia to be a crutch. Olympics and his family had a different outlook on dyslexia. I was still mortified that I had set the table incorrectly.

I was living alone in this tiny apartment in Milwaukee and was robbed. Olympics rushed to comfort me and I asked him to stay. He was traveling down daily to practice for the Olympics so it made sense for him just to stay and also it was comforting to know that someone would be there after the robbery.

Now I look back and say “oh my, I can’t believe two people lived in that space.” I think the whole apartment was maybe 500 sq ft. I learned in this relationship that I can be territorial.

School started back up and now I was working 20 to 30 hours and going to school full-time and still working some of my other jobs. I was getting up at 4 o’clock every morning, going to the gym before school. After class I would go home for a bit and then off to work from 2 to 8 PM. Basically, I was gone all the time and had very little time to myself or to catch up with other people.

At this point Olympics was living with me and not contributing much. I told him he could stay and look for a job but then it was a month or more of him watching movies and relaxing after practice and little to no job searching. With my driven personality this s⁂⁂t started to get to me.

Can you imagine this, I’m working more than 1 job and going to school full-time and he’s watching movies in my tiny apartment!?!

The moment I knew I needed to talk to him was the moment I got up in the morning to go to the gym at 4 AM and I open the fridge to grab my meal prep food and it was all gone.

Anyone that knows me, knows how territorial I am when it comes to food. On the weekends I spend time cooking and making sure that I have everything ready for the week. Don’t touch my macros.

I wanted to have a conversation with him that day in order to make sure that he understood that I needed him to go get a job and help support us but also needed him to understand the importance of my food being available when I needed it at 4 AM. It wasn’t about the food it was about the lack of communication that there was no food.

He had not contribute anything to this apartment, he only brought his stuff and put it in the drawers and baskets I had given him.

How the relationship ended:

On this particular day, I was in class and sent them a message to see if he was going to be home around 2 o’clock in order to get ready for work. I let him know that I was hoping that I could see him and talk to him before we both left for the afternoon. He was cautious and questioned about what I wanted to talk about and I just said I would like to talk to him when I got home.

I got out of class and went home to find a completely empty apartment.

Not just empty, but like he had taken all of his stuff and moved out. I said I wanted to talk and have a conversation about our relationship and he literally moved out. Not only did he move his stuff out but he made sure to leave the drawers open and tip the baskets over just to make sure I could see that his stuff was gone.

I was kind of distraught, upset and weirded out but at the same time I just needed to get my head straight, get into the shower and get ready for work.

I got into the shower and this is where I uncontrollably could not stop LAUGHING. The only thing he had contributed to the entire apartment was a bar of soap. Which he took!!!

Really, really, who takes the bar of soap?!? The only thing Olympics contributed and he took it with him!! Holy s⁂⁂t, it was so funny.

Later that day he said that he thought we just needed some time and some space apart. I was very vocal and direct, to let him know that he was not welcome back and that our relationship had ended. If he was so afraid to talk to me and he would just leave then this was never going to work long-term.

Things I know now:

  • If you are one determined person and the person you’re seeing is exactly opposite it may not work.
  • If you were territorial in any way, tell someone from the beginning.
  • If in your mind you have a timeline that you want the other person to abide to, tell them.
  • If the person literally runs away, you don’t have to take them back.
  • Don’t take the soap.

Things I appreciated and added to my “list”:

  • I loved that he was an athlete, it’s a huge thing we had in common.
  • He always did the dishes, even after he ate my food.
  • He had a lot of joy in the simplicity of the things around him, we could just sit and watch a sunrise and be perfectly content.

And so it is.