#theYESandLife

The yes and life.

There is no right, there is no wrong. What if you could have everything you wanted and you were able to step outside of fear and stand in the yes of life?

Try this on for size, this week pick one day and any time someone invites you to do something you say yes. This experiment involves you getting out of your ego, pessimistic state of mind and go into the experience by full of curiosity.

What is the worst that could happen? You end up at a lunch that you didn’t plan on. At that lunch you meet someone while waiting in line that has one of the biggest business deals of your career. Or you get a free lunch. Or you learn something new about a co-worker that allows your work relationship and communication to thrive.

Humans get cough up in their reasons and the life they live completely out of habit. You have identified yourself as someone and you customize your entire world to fit that picture you have painted. You are a mom, so you tell yourself that you cant travel or take time to go to the gym. You are “Type A” so you tell yourself that you can’t do something spontaneous. You are unorganized so you tell yourself that you can be late for all of your meetings. There is a entirely different option out there and it all starts by saying yes.

You get to say “yes and…” fill in the blank.

Yes I will go to lunch and will you drive?

Yes, I will go on the snowboarding trip and I will keep my job.

Yes, I will be a mom and a badass.

Yes, I will be an engineer and a personal trainer.

Drop the either or that you have decided your life has to be and start living the life that you always dreamed.

Start with one simple “yes” this week.

Register for that program.

Have a fantastic marriage and be in an open relationship.

Book the flight.

Finish the book.

Hit a PR in the gym.

Have the hard conversation with your lover.

Whatever it is that is holding you back? I challenge you to go on the other side of your reasons and start customizing your life.

Register for the program you have always dreamt of but you dont know where the money is going to come from or you don’t know what hotel you would stay in. The point of this exercise is start somewhere. By registering for the program you are saying “yes!” Then all of the other situations/hows will fall together. You are telling the universe a direction and the how’s will start to show up. Give into the “WHAT” drives you and the hows, the paths, the money will start to align.

Have you always wanted to travel to another state but just were too scared or didnt know what would happen or you didnt have anyone to go with? Well this is your opportunity to do some research and get on the other side of your reasons. Start with the What, say yes and book the flight. Then all of your excitement will fuel the conversations you have with people. All of these conversations a random friend might become your co-traveler, someone might tell you about a great deal they got on a rental car and someone might give you a lead on an amazing adventure they recommend when you get there.

Build #theYESandLife of your dreams.

Top 5: Online Dating Tips to “Hook” the One

These are 5 things that will help set your online dating profile apart for the mediocre and help you communicate who you are through the screen.

I was on vacation alone in Fort Lauderdale, FL (I do this every other year) and I decided to take myself to dinner. I put on a favorite dress and a pair of new pink flip-flops and allowed Google to give me walking directions to a restaurant on the causeway.

The staff seated me on the dock at The Pirates Republic while the owner of the restaurant suggested a meal for me. My back was facing towards the restaurant and I sat in peace, drink in hand, watching the sun set over the water.

My time alone turned into a dateless date when three hilarious gentleman were seated behind me. I could tell by their voices that they were in the age range of 55-65 and then then one of their son’s who was 20 joined them.

Information Gathered:

  • Man A: In a relationship with a woman from Michigan and happy, had experience dating online, had been on 52 different coffee dates and owns his own yachting company.
  • Man B: The father of the 20 year old,  currently on Match.com, having a hard time finding someone, owns a construction roofing business. Felt like women only showing pictures of them in exotic places is fake. He felt like he had “thrown back” some of the good fish to keep some bad. He is convinced that Midwest girls are sweet and yet hard working.
  • Son: Working as a roofer and was out of his previous relationship but still talked to his ex girlfriend every day. Convinced that girls from Wisconsin are crazy.

As the evening evolved these three made me laugh and their advice to each other and conversation were pure GOLD. Man A was trying to give advice to Man B about what to do with his Match.com profile to get him to stand out.  The three decided that you shouldn’t marry someone unless you’ve been together for 5 years and been living together for 18 months.

I paid for my meal. I got up to leave and finally got to turn around to see the faces of the three men. I thanked them for making my evening very entertaining.

I told Man A that I had double the number of first dates that he had been on. They were so intrigued, they asked me to join them. I confirmed and suggested to all three that coffee dates are the perfect way to meet someone. You can tell if they are interest within the first 5 minutes, so there is no reason to spend more than $5.

To Man B, I began to describe the   “big 5” that I suggested he needed to include in his dating profile.

These are my 5 things to include in your profile:

  1. A non negotiable
  2. Something that you do daily
  3. How to describe you personality
  4. Something you hate/strongly dislike
  5. Something that will make them think or research.

I described to the group how I would have put these into practice.

  1. I would include that fitness is a non negotiable, but the way I would describe this in my profile is bold and direct.  “I workout daily and if you don’t currently lift I’m likely stronger than you. I am also a personal trainer but not yours.” This describes that I mean business and that I am not interested in adding clients.
  2. “I meditate daily.” This describes that this is a huge part of my life and if it doesn’t match their view point it could be a point of contention in the long run.
  3. “You could describe my personality as Jameson on the rocks.” I wouldn’t say why but this leaves it as a conversation starter. I asked someone how they would describe me and this was PERFECT so, I ran with it. I suggest you talk to a sibling or a best friend and see what they say.
  4. “I HATE the dishes.” I think this is not only funny but starts a relationship/conversation with a new light. This is something you know about yourself and at some point you are going to be able to say, “Remember in my online profile, when I said i hated _____, I wasn’t kidding.”
  5. “RFFYM, and I cook accordingly.” This stands for Real Food Fits Your Macros. If someone didn’t know this expression they would have to look it up but also would get a good idea about how I eat and that I can cook. If they get to this point and they actually research the topic… they are probably pretty interested and are likely to start up a conversation.

Overall there are plenty of things that you can include but setting yourself apart from the masses will allow you to sort out the individuals that are not actually interested. I also suggested that you talk about yourself vs. what you’re looking for.

If they don’t like what you have to say then it doesn’t matter if they can keep up. Don’t be general, be specific so both of you can move past the “fluff.”

I quickly helped Man B talk through some starting points. He started with this list:

  1. He likes someone shorter than him.
  2. He likes a Midwest girl because he feels like they are hard working and sweet.
  3. He likes to travel but appreciates more of the adventurous spirit vs. the lavish.
  4. He loves to spend time with his kids.
  5. Dating is expensive
  6. Work around the house is something he enjoyed.
  7. Enjoyed his construction company

This list turned into the following

  1. A non negotiable
    • My kids come first.
  2. Something that you do daily.
    • Construction is my life; I am always looking at the way things are built or the next project.
  3. How to describe you personality
    • You can describe my personality as a 6′ gentle giant. (This way he could talk about how he is kind but also likes someone that is a bit shorter than him).
  4. Something you hate/strongly dislike
    • I hate lavish meet ups that don’t go anywhere. Let’s actually go somewhere, coffee and a stroll or drive. You pick the spot.
  5. Something that will make them think or research.
    • Favorite Midwest City is Chicago.

I made sure they knew that they needed to set standards for both themselves and a partner. Take a serious look at their online profiles and don’t just say “Hey”. She is never going to respond if that’s all you say.

I feel like the few minutes I spent with them made an impact and they not only laughed but also will take a serious look at their online profiles.  Be strong, have conviction and don’t settle.

Prior to leaving, I looked at the son and said. “I am from Wisconsin, we are not all crazy.”

Featured Photo: Jameson on the rocks, a whole red snapper at the Pirates Republic in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. The atmosphere is relaxed, the food is fantastic and the staff are top notch! I recommend everyone check this place out!

It is all in the context

BACKGROUND:

The reality is that I hate doing the dishes but I also use an insane amount of Tupperware during the week. When I get home every day from work I have about 3-5 bags with me that I dump in the living room. I don’t wash the table besides once a week. I wash my hair maybe 2-3 times per week and shave my legs probably 2 times per week. My kitchen is tiny and I live alone.

When I am around my friends they see the chaos and the mess in the kitchen but if you open the fridge it is organized AF!!!

I do chores throughout the week but typically wait for Friday night clean up all the dishes. And by Sunday the house is ready for another week of messes.

WHAT HAPPENED:

A relationship had developed from strictly fiends to potentially more. (It’s all in the context). He has only seen me as the hot mess friend. A whirlwind of dirty hair, gym clothes, Tupperware and an artistic flare. As soon as the context changed… I changed.

I walked into the house and found it in its typical messy insanity. Dishes everywhere and out of order.

In the context of friends… he had seen my house a mess and me in just sweats, wet hair and glasses.

Now in this new context of possibly moving the relationship from friends to potentially more the mess wasn’t presentable.

I walked in and there is a mound of dishes! I knew I didn’t have time to wash them so… this happened.

Yep… I shoved all the dishes underneath the sink. Then there were still more dishes so I filled my work cooler. I dry shaved my legs, put on clean clothes, took down my hair (this never happens), wiped down the table, shoved my work bags into a closet and started cooking for us.

It is amazing what you will do to look good in fear of looking bad. I am writing this and laughing at myself. I am committed to showing up as the real human. No more fear, just reality.

And so it is.

Ready for the real reflection?

All relationships are a mirror.

You may not be ready for it and when the relationship is going sour, it can be hard but you need to take a deep dive inside during these hard times so both people in the relationship can rise.

The universe will provide you each person who you need at exactly the right time in order for you to peel away a layer and understand more about yourself. You just have to be ready and willing to stare that mirror in the face until you can figure out what it is reflecting back on you.

You. You. You.

It all rolls back to you. Instead of point the finger at the other person, I recommend that you first need to start by pointing it at yourself. If you actually take this look inside you will see how or the ways you changed yourself during that relationship. What “little things” did that person do to you or what are the things that just drove you crazy? What were you not able to communicate? What were you not able to hear in what they were saying. What filter are you seeing them through. What blinders have you put on.

Examples:

When he/she said they want you to be honest no matter what, and then you just omitted some of the details, then you did not hear what they said.

I am not condoning violence or verbal abuse or any bad situations.

I want everyone to take a dive inside and REALLY look at yourself. How are you hearing people and what of your personal issues are you filtering conversations through?

Sometimes mirrors show up that you may not be ready for. If you are not ready to look yourself in the mirror in a pit-fall of a relationship, you will create the same issue inside a different one. (Sound familiar? “I just cant seem to meet a nice guy/girl?” “I only date bad guys/girls.” ) Sometimes when you wake up and realize it was you… then you can see people and old relationships through a whole new lens and possibility.

This work is hard. This work is meaningful but this hard, meaningful work on yourself will allow your relationships and your communication to soar.

There is so much opportunity if you are willing to be vulnerable and listen to your own stories you are see people live into. It takes two to tango and 50% of that relationship is you vs. 100% of what is being done “to you”.

Watch your patterns and see them and when someone asks you about them instead of becoming defensive really look at why things are stressing you out. It is an internal reflection that is there for you to choose.

I recently went through this with a partner. They wouldn’t respond to my calls or my messages. I had a bit of a melt down but then choose to look inside to see what was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong to change them and push them away. After a few days, I was able to finally see later that the way I was acting was also pushing them away. When I go up into my head instead of just sharing with them I create the push away.

By me not sharing that they had not called me babe I was creating an emotional barrier of “I guess I am not good enough.” By sharing this vulnerability and need I opened myself up and shared how it affected me and then was able to get into their shoes and really support them through their own struggles. By sharing where my brain goes and telling them I was not feeling “good enough” we broke down a mirror and we are able to see eachother again.

The reason you see it in someone else is because you can see it inside yourself.

What reflections are you ready to see? What ones are you working on? Which ones keep showing up?

And so it is.