#theYESandLife

The yes and life.

There is no right, there is no wrong. What if you could have everything you wanted and you were able to step outside of fear and stand in the yes of life?

Try this on for size, this week pick one day and any time someone invites you to do something you say yes. This experiment involves you getting out of your ego, pessimistic state of mind and go into the experience by full of curiosity.

What is the worst that could happen? You end up at a lunch that you didn’t plan on. At that lunch you meet someone while waiting in line that has one of the biggest business deals of your career. Or you get a free lunch. Or you learn something new about a co-worker that allows your work relationship and communication to thrive.

Humans get cough up in their reasons and the life they live completely out of habit. You have identified yourself as someone and you customize your entire world to fit that picture you have painted. You are a mom, so you tell yourself that you cant travel or take time to go to the gym. You are “Type A” so you tell yourself that you can’t do something spontaneous. You are unorganized so you tell yourself that you can be late for all of your meetings. There is a entirely different option out there and it all starts by saying yes.

You get to say “yes and…” fill in the blank.

Yes I will go to lunch and will you drive?

Yes, I will go on the snowboarding trip and I will keep my job.

Yes, I will be a mom and a badass.

Yes, I will be an engineer and a personal trainer.

Drop the either or that you have decided your life has to be and start living the life that you always dreamed.

Start with one simple “yes” this week.

Register for that program.

Have a fantastic marriage and be in an open relationship.

Book the flight.

Finish the book.

Hit a PR in the gym.

Have the hard conversation with your lover.

Whatever it is that is holding you back? I challenge you to go on the other side of your reasons and start customizing your life.

Register for the program you have always dreamt of but you dont know where the money is going to come from or you don’t know what hotel you would stay in. The point of this exercise is start somewhere. By registering for the program you are saying “yes!” Then all of the other situations/hows will fall together. You are telling the universe a direction and the how’s will start to show up. Give into the “WHAT” drives you and the hows, the paths, the money will start to align.

Have you always wanted to travel to another state but just were too scared or didnt know what would happen or you didnt have anyone to go with? Well this is your opportunity to do some research and get on the other side of your reasons. Start with the What, say yes and book the flight. Then all of your excitement will fuel the conversations you have with people. All of these conversations a random friend might become your co-traveler, someone might tell you about a great deal they got on a rental car and someone might give you a lead on an amazing adventure they recommend when you get there.

Build #theYESandLife of your dreams.

Resolution vs. Intention

It is now the time to begin moving beyond the source of setting a resolution. Resolution is an acknowledgment that something is wrong if not good enough with the current pot present state. If the moment is perfect and you cannot change the now then you can only move forward. In the moving forward is the ability to set an an intention. Intention is the ability tans the outlook that you want something more. That you intent to create a new owls and that there is a possibility that you currently are not living into. Intention has a positive undying tone vs. resolution which is caring the past into the future. Interior is about seating yourself free and saying now. Now is the time and now again and that you intend to show up differently.

Set intention not resolutions because there is nothing wrong with the past and you are able to set yourself free from the way of being that you once were and you no long need to carry that experience from your childhood or last week into your future.

Your way of being was built as a protective mechanism so you would not have to feel like something was wrong, you were not good enough, your on your own and that you don’t belong. These beliefs no longer serve who you are becoming.

Setting an intention is being free to create your life as possibility.

Setting an intention is having integrity with the current situation.

Setting an intention is knowing that the universe will guide the path for your greatest growth. You may not know the how but you can create the “what”.

You get to be the one that explores the light between each. The path may not be of least resistance but it will be perfectly set up for you to grow the most and become who the universe has set for you to become.

And so it is.

Love Knows No Bounds

Love is like an open hand filled with Play Dough.

The Play Dough can take any shape it wants in an open hand. It can take the shape of heart, pet, house, friendship but it knows no bounds in an open hand. It can spread and it can grow. It can be thick and thin.

Love, like an open hand of Play Dough, knows no bounds, beginning or and end. If you allow it to “just be” it then it will continue to grow.

Love doesn’t know restrictions or space.

When you put restrictions on it and start to close your hand it seeps out in all the spaces you don’t want it.

Just like you do not love one child more than another, you cannot force another person to love in one way. You cannot control their love and you cannot force them to start or stop. When you begin to try to mold love it comes out in all the spaces you don’t want to.

If a relationship ends, the love does not end. The relationship changes and the love continues.

Love is in a friendship, it is in the heart of a pet and it touches us. If you are able to accept love for all that it is and all that it isn’t, then love knows no bounds.

And so it is.

It is all in the context

BACKGROUND:

The reality is that I hate doing the dishes but I also use an insane amount of Tupperware during the week. When I get home every day from work I have about 3-5 bags with me that I dump in the living room. I don’t wash the table besides once a week. I wash my hair maybe 2-3 times per week and shave my legs probably 2 times per week. My kitchen is tiny and I live alone.

When I am around my friends they see the chaos and the mess in the kitchen but if you open the fridge it is organized AF!!!

I do chores throughout the week but typically wait for Friday night clean up all the dishes. And by Sunday the house is ready for another week of messes.

WHAT HAPPENED:

A relationship had developed from strictly fiends to potentially more. (It’s all in the context). He has only seen me as the hot mess friend. A whirlwind of dirty hair, gym clothes, Tupperware and an artistic flare. As soon as the context changed… I changed.

I walked into the house and found it in its typical messy insanity. Dishes everywhere and out of order.

In the context of friends… he had seen my house a mess and me in just sweats, wet hair and glasses.

Now in this new context of possibly moving the relationship from friends to potentially more the mess wasn’t presentable.

I walked in and there is a mound of dishes! I knew I didn’t have time to wash them so… this happened.

Yep… I shoved all the dishes underneath the sink. Then there were still more dishes so I filled my work cooler. I dry shaved my legs, put on clean clothes, took down my hair (this never happens), wiped down the table, shoved my work bags into a closet and started cooking for us.

It is amazing what you will do to look good in fear of looking bad. I am writing this and laughing at myself. I am committed to showing up as the real human. No more fear, just reality.

And so it is.

Fear is Excitement without Breath

I have been taking with a lot of people about fear recently and then a wonderful woman in my life talked about excitement and it all fell together. Fear is what holds us back and keeps us small. Our ego steps in whenever their is opportunity for growth and brings up the fears around that potential growth. You have to be able to take the leap, be unreasonable and trust that on the other side of fear will be growth and a world of wonder that you would have never dreamed possible.

Fear is healthy but also is an opportunity. Fear is what makes you act in actual unsafe situations. But, with practice you will be able to determine what is unsafe vs. what is ego.

Your natural fight or flight does not need to be activated all the time. Fight or flight is your entire system being in a state of excitement. Your senses are heightened and you are READY. In this situation you are without breath. You are only in action mode. In danger this is perfect because all you can do is act. When you start to feel this excitement I challenge you to take a breath.

Take a breath.

Bring yourself back into your body.

Question if you are actually in danger.

Question the way ego is keeping you small.

Question what would your life be like if you acted out of excitement vs. fear.

When you are ready to grow you will come RIGHT up to the edge of change. You will be in a state of excitement. Ego will step in and tell you all the reasons that you should not take the action to move on the other side of the line.

Ready for the real reflection?

All relationships are a mirror.

You may not be ready for it and when the relationship is going sour, it can be hard but you need to take a deep dive inside during these hard times so both people in the relationship can rise.

The universe will provide you each person who you need at exactly the right time in order for you to peel away a layer and understand more about yourself. You just have to be ready and willing to stare that mirror in the face until you can figure out what it is reflecting back on you.

You. You. You.

It all rolls back to you. Instead of point the finger at the other person, I recommend that you first need to start by pointing it at yourself. If you actually take this look inside you will see how or the ways you changed yourself during that relationship. What “little things” did that person do to you or what are the things that just drove you crazy? What were you not able to communicate? What were you not able to hear in what they were saying. What filter are you seeing them through. What blinders have you put on.

Examples:

When he/she said they want you to be honest no matter what, and then you just omitted some of the details, then you did not hear what they said.

I am not condoning violence or verbal abuse or any bad situations.

I want everyone to take a dive inside and REALLY look at yourself. How are you hearing people and what of your personal issues are you filtering conversations through?

Sometimes mirrors show up that you may not be ready for. If you are not ready to look yourself in the mirror in a pit-fall of a relationship, you will create the same issue inside a different one. (Sound familiar? “I just cant seem to meet a nice guy/girl?” “I only date bad guys/girls.” ) Sometimes when you wake up and realize it was you… then you can see people and old relationships through a whole new lens and possibility.

This work is hard. This work is meaningful but this hard, meaningful work on yourself will allow your relationships and your communication to soar.

There is so much opportunity if you are willing to be vulnerable and listen to your own stories you are see people live into. It takes two to tango and 50% of that relationship is you vs. 100% of what is being done “to you”.

Watch your patterns and see them and when someone asks you about them instead of becoming defensive really look at why things are stressing you out. It is an internal reflection that is there for you to choose.

I recently went through this with a partner. They wouldn’t respond to my calls or my messages. I had a bit of a melt down but then choose to look inside to see what was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong to change them and push them away. After a few days, I was able to finally see later that the way I was acting was also pushing them away. When I go up into my head instead of just sharing with them I create the push away.

By me not sharing that they had not called me babe I was creating an emotional barrier of “I guess I am not good enough.” By sharing this vulnerability and need I opened myself up and shared how it affected me and then was able to get into their shoes and really support them through their own struggles. By sharing where my brain goes and telling them I was not feeling “good enough” we broke down a mirror and we are able to see eachother again.

The reason you see it in someone else is because you can see it inside yourself.

What reflections are you ready to see? What ones are you working on? Which ones keep showing up?

And so it is.

Don’t Should On Me

definition: should

SHo͝od,SHəd/

verb

1 1.
used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.

Don’t should on me.

This is my life and this is my experience and I get to be the one who decides who, what, and where things happen. When someone is trying to force me to do something they they are judging where I am currently.

“You should not go to that bank.”

“You should not drink so much coffee.”

And worse yet, we do this to ourselves! I dare you to take note of your inner dialog. Dive in and really listen to the number of times that you say should to yourself in one day.

“I should go to the gym.

I should have gotten up at the first alarm.

I should get off the couch.”

Just, STOP.

Accept where you are, stop the shoulding and do something about it. There is and there is not. If you stop the judgment, the “ought to be” and just live in the moment you are free.

If you look at the definition of should you can see that it has a negative connotation and immediately causes you to put up a barrier. There’s no reason and there so many other ways to communicate with individuals and then with yourself. Be kind to yourself, know that exactly where you are today is exactly where you’re supposed to be. The things you are experiencing today are the things that you manifested and it is your time. You can’t go back so spending your time, mental space and energy in the past is just a waste.

When you stop “shoulding” on the people around you you set them free to live their best lives. You can recommend and ask “can I share with you what I would do?” This gives them the authorization to say yes or no, instead of spewing your own “shoulds” on them.

By removing should from your vocabulary, you have the freedom to live your life. You’ve removed any judgment or criticism of the past, and today. This is giving you the permission to just live and love.

I dare the next time someone says should, that you say don’t “should on me”. Watch their face and watch them analyzing.

Go live your best life.

And so it is.

Fear of Failure = Sabotage

It is amazing what fear does inside your head and how you act it out unconsciously to “keep you safe”.

I designed a meditation about fear to work through the “reasons” for why I have been sabotaging my own success in the arena of my body transformation.

I have come to a point along my transformation where people are starting to notice and comment about the changes. This is an uncomfortable feeling because it is uncharted territory. I know how to be mediocrely fit, super strong, kinda fluffy and “thick”. This fit girl is new and weird because I don’t know how to be her. I only have history to relate to and in the past when I was smaller I was sick, accomplishing weight loss through unhealthily doing cardio and eating erratically.

A few weeks ago my coach said to me, “You are going to be in the 160s in no time.” My mind freaked out. I don’t know how to be in the 160s. I have never even thought that was a possibility. I know how to do 170s pretty unsuccessfully but the 160s, NOPE. I am really good at 180 or more. This new territory is uncomfortable and my ego craved to go backwards into the comfortable. I began sabotaging my success. I know how to over eat. I was with family and friends which became the perfect outlet. “Because” they were all eating I didn’t want to be difficult I just did what I always do… eat all the food and not be accountable to it.

My craving and desire to be in control and to be comfortable was “fed” by doing things that I knew how to do.

  • I know how to be 180
  • I know how to eat all the food
  • I know how to feed the feelings instead of feel them.

Most of this was all happening unconsciously. I knew that I was eating, I knew I was not tracking it and I knew that it was not going to get me to my goal but WHY?

My need for security and control were so strong that I was willing to compromise everything, (Progress, integrity, possibility).

  1. A feeling is only a feeling. It is not what is actually happening.
  2. We assign meaning or a story to that feeling.
  3. We act as if the meanings and stories are actually happening to us.

In my case:

  1. I have been feeling uncomfortable in this new uncharted territory.
  2. The meaning I have assigned to these feelings: I will fail because it is what happened in the past. My friends and family will not accept this new me. I don’t deserve this success.
  3. The actions I have taken to get away from the uncomfortable and insecure feelings were to do everything that IS comfortable. Doing what is comfortable, eating and following and old success pattern satiated the need for security.

If there is no such thing as feelings then there is no such thing as security, and there is no such thing as uncomfortable.

I declare to be the cause in my life instead of creating because(s). Instead of getting stuck in the “what if” I am going to jump into the unreasonable.

Reason = Because

Action = [be]ing the cause

And so it is.

My dad’s girlfriend died

Absence is an opening that envelopes me.

The breathe I have is shallow and pained

The tears are warm but filled is gratitude.

The strength of your children feeds my steps.

The stories are ours to keep.

Grab my hand, hold my heart.

The darkness is dulled through the joy you gave us.

4 years ago my parents split. This was a very strange time in my life. It seems as if I had never really seen my parents in the same room on purpose, so I was not really surprised but they had been together for 35+ years. My mom wanted something different and my dad was heart broken.

After the divorce was final, dad quickly was introduced by a co-worker to Debbie. They were inseparable. This was also another new strange sensation because the time that my dad didn’t spend with mom, he had spent with me. I was 28 and my best friend had found a new best friend. Moving forward he always came with a companion.

After 4 years Debbie passed of brain cancer.

Earlier this year, I was frustrated with Debbie and her unwillingness to allow me to see her. I only wanted to love her and help her through this time of pain. Instead of staying in the frustration or the story I told myself about her condition, I called her for the first time and got to talk to her about how much appreciation I had for her. She was the woman that stood by my dad’s side, took him in and put up with all of his quirks. This was the last time I would be able to talk to her and I’m so glad I was able to put everything to the side and just talk to her.

I have pure gratitude for her life and her children. She really loved my dad, just for him. She was his friend and couldn’t wait to spend every moment with him. I can only hope to find this kind of friend/love in my life time. Her children have taken my dad into their lives and taken care of him. I can’t believe their strength and how much they have impacted my lives. I didn’t sign up for extra siblings but I’m sure glad someone put my name on that list. She’s their strength, genuine kindness and pain through this time has made me proud to welcome them in.

To Debbie and Family:

Thank you for always standing by my father’s side and welcoming me in. When my “flame” may have dulled, you and my family/community have stood for me and knew that blowing some air, adding some kindling or dousing me with gasoline would bring me back. Life is so bittersweet and thank you so much for allowing me to share my life with you. Each of you have added to my story and I am so proud to be a part of this “common-unity.”

And so it is.