Shit Not Going My Way

Shit Not Going My Way

Today’s message is all about how much time we spend in the turmoil of frustration.

Context: a part of my Organizational Consulting business is when I am organizing, clients will have me sell some of their items. then I take a portion of the commission.

A couple of weeks ago I had scheduled an entire day to drive over an hour and sell a bunch of items. And then… I had a couple of buyers not show up.

I sat in my car and just was beyond myself in anger and frustration. I was so annoyed with how few people are their word and disrespect others. I couldn’t get the feeling to pass and I still had more to do that day.

I told myself that I needed to drop the feeling and even though I said this to myself. I didn’t actually drop it. I was still harboring my annoyance. I had to pick up one more item and was meeting another buyer in a city closer to my/their home.

I get to the meeting location. I confirm with this individual no less than 6 times that they understand and know where the meeting spot is. They let me know they were running late from work and would arrive 20 mins after our agreed upon time.

I figure no big deal I am parked outside of the 2 stores I needed to go into after the meet up and now I could use this downtime to complete those two tasks.

I come out of errands and now it is 25-30 minutes later and they are no where to be found.

I message and they said they were looking for the location.

I sent them the address.

Another 10 minutes pass. I now have been waiting for them for 40 minutes.

At this point I did something I have never done before.

I yelled. I yelled at another human. I yelled at this human to insert the damn address into their GPS instead of just driving around looking for the location they picked out. There were a lot of other choice words.

I didn’t just want to drive away because then I would have been stuck with this object in my car or apartment for an extended amount of time.

Finally after an hour and 5 minutes they show.

They gave me an additional 15% because of my hassle and I was FUMING at this point.

I decide to go do some retail therapy. I had a gift card for REI. This way I could still comply with my No Clothes Shopping 1 Year and possibly pick out something nice.

I drove over to REI happily and walked around. I found the below sweater on the sale rounder. Perfect wool sweater for cold weather and specifically snowboarding.

I delightfully walked to the desk and handed them my gift card. The woman kind of stared at me and let me know that they had switched to a new computer system that morning and all gift cards no longer worked. She assured me she would be able to get the money off and onto the new cards but she would need to call the headquarters. This entire process would be 20-25 minutes to complete.

I kind of just closed my eyes and sighed and knew it was the epic ended to my day.

I complied and asked if there was anything I could do to make the process go faster. I asked if I could continue to browse while she worked through her process. I stayed calm and knew I just needed to surrender to my day and whatever the universe had planned for me. I had been fighting time and people and systems for 9+ hours.

I delightfully wandered REI.

My patience and being in a place of peace paid off. When I was called back to the front, the manager was so thankful for my patience and even temper they awarded me an additional 20% off of the sweater.

I had not cleared the frustration out of my space. Once I actually surrendered to just standing in the situation of where I was at, the universe said “Yes.” Frustration is an internal feeling and even when shit is not going your way the frustration is not felt by anyone else besides you. At this point, I could have done anything else besides be annoyed.

It is all choice. How many days are you spending like this?

Frustration or peace, it’s all your choice of how you’re willing to spend your time.

she is art.

she is art.

Stand for and foster the feminine energy within your partner.
Allow her to explore the raw, unbound, fierce, goddess that lies behind her conditioned smile, hardened eyes and quieted energy.
She will push and she will test. It will not be easy to watch her unravel.
Stand.
Be purposeful, strong and at peace. She will mirror you.
Stand at her side, patiently holding space until her fierce pours out.
The disentangle goddess will love like the wind. Bold and storming and in a minute the gentle breeze over a silent lake.
Stand.
Mirror her strength while standing in your own. Don’t allow her storm to disturb, clot or sway the goddess behind the wind.
She is
The creator.
The healer.
The warrior.
The lover.
The confusion.
The beauty.
Karma

Karma

Karma is the manifestation in your external world of who you are internally. Karma and integrity are closely related. Karma is defined as the sum of a person’s actions in all forms of existence deciding their fate in future existences. *

Your mind creates the cause and the reality we live out is the effect.

Have you ever notice how happy people are happy no matter what the circumstances are? They are choosing to be happy, they are choosing to notice the light and positivity in the situation. They are wearing a cute outfit, they land the big business deal and someone surprises them with a free coffee. The sum of this person’s actions and thought are on the rise. Their future existence is on the upward trends.

You may have also noticed the opposite. When you wake up and it is raining, you trip on dog and bruise your hand on the door frame, you hit every red light and every co-worker is in a bad mood. You are becoming increasingly aware of the negatives available and the sum grows.

You manifest more of your internal state until you are willing to see/identify and really spend time with that state. You can literally “shake it off” and choose something different. Jump around, go on a walk, take a shower, do what you need to do to change your state and you physical being so your internal state can resonate and be in a different space to create positivity.

Integrity is the agreement to live exactly what you say you are. A bank robber has not moral problems with being a bank robber because they are in integrity with the lifestyle the have chosen. They live by the laws they have agreed to. They go into this lifestyle understanding the potential outcomes but live in agreement with their own internal Karma

Where resistance or breakdowns shows up is when you not living in integrity. There is a misalignment with what you say you want and who you are being.

There is no beginning or end to how the universe works but the more you put out there the more it is going to come back. Your experience of the world and the things that happen to you are the external results of what is happening on the inside. How you speak to yourself, the stories you live and the habits you are letting control your life.

Karma is neither good or bad, it is the sum of your experience to create the future experiences.

Choose wisely.

Shake it off.

Believe in what you want so much that there is not option to not live in alignment with that dream.

It just is.

*https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/karma

#theYESandLife

#theYESandLife

The yes and life.

There is no right, there is no wrong. What if you could have everything you wanted and you were able to step outside of fear and stand in the yes of life?

Try this on for size, this week pick one day and any time someone invites you to do something you say yes. This experiment involves you getting out of your ego, pessimistic state of mind and go into the experience by full of curiosity.

What is the worst that could happen? You end up at a lunch that you didn’t plan on. At that lunch you meet someone while waiting in line that has one of the biggest business deals of your career. Or you get a free lunch. Or you learn something new about a co-worker that allows your work relationship and communication to thrive.

Humans get cough up in their reasons and the life they live completely out of habit. You have identified yourself as someone and you customize your entire world to fit that picture you have painted. You are a mom, so you tell yourself that you cant travel or take time to go to the gym. You are “Type A” so you tell yourself that you can’t do something spontaneous. You are unorganized so you tell yourself that you can be late for all of your meetings. There is a entirely different option out there and it all starts by saying yes.

You get to say “yes and…” fill in the blank.

Yes I will go to lunch and will you drive?

Yes, I will go on the snowboarding trip and I will keep my job.

Yes, I will be a mom and a badass.

Yes, I will be an engineer and a personal trainer.

Drop the either or that you have decided your life has to be and start living the life that you always dreamed.

Start with one simple “yes” this week.

Register for that program.

Have a fantastic marriage and be in an open relationship.

Book the flight.

Finish the book.

Hit a PR in the gym.

Have the hard conversation with your lover.

Whatever it is that is holding you back? I challenge you to go on the other side of your reasons and start customizing your life.

Register for the program you have always dreamt of but you dont know where the money is going to come from or you don’t know what hotel you would stay in. The point of this exercise is start somewhere. By registering for the program you are saying “yes!” Then all of the other situations/hows will fall together. You are telling the universe a direction and the how’s will start to show up. Give into the “WHAT” drives you and the hows, the paths, the money will start to align.

Have you always wanted to travel to another state but just were too scared or didnt know what would happen or you didnt have anyone to go with? Well this is your opportunity to do some research and get on the other side of your reasons. Start with the What, say yes and book the flight. Then all of your excitement will fuel the conversations you have with people. All of these conversations a random friend might become your co-traveler, someone might tell you about a great deal they got on a rental car and someone might give you a lead on an amazing adventure they recommend when you get there.

Build #theYESandLife of your dreams.

Resolution vs. Intention

Resolution vs. Intention

Lets set INTENTIONS instead of RESOLUTIONS.

Resolution is an acknowledgment that something is wrong and trying to fix the past. The past does not exist. The past only lives in our memories. We have choice to set all of those memories aside and decide how we want to show up moving forward. You no longer need to carry that experience from your childhood or last week into your future.

Your way of being was built as a protective mechanism so you would not have to feel like something was wrong, you were not good enough or that you don’t belong. These beliefs no longer serve who you are becoming.

Having a clear vision of what that looks like is setting an intention to live into.

Setting an intention is being free to create your life as possibility.

Setting an intention is having integrity with the current situation.

Setting an intention is knowing that the universe/god/your guides/etc. will guide the path for your greatest growth. You may not know how and now it’s time to choose the “what”.

The path and days to your intentions may not be of least resistance but it will be perfectly set up for you to grow the most and become who you were meant to become.

This year I am choosing to have an intention to live life as unreasonably and sweet as possible.

And so it is.

Love Knows No Bounds

Love Knows No Bounds

Love is like an open hand filled with Play Dough.

The Play Dough can take any shape it wants in an open hand. It can take the shape of heart, pet, house, friendship but it knows no bounds in an open hand. It can spread and it can grow. It can be thick and thin.

Love, like an open hand of Play Dough, knows no bounds, beginning or and end. If you allow it to “just be” it then it will continue to grow.

Love doesn’t know restrictions or space.

When you put restrictions on it and start to close your hand it seeps out in all the spaces you don’t want it.

Just like you do not love one child more than another, you cannot force another person to love in one way. You cannot control their love and you cannot force them to start or stop. When you begin to try to mold love it comes out in all the spaces you don’t want to.

If a relationship ends, the love does not end. The relationship changes and the love continues.

Love is in a friendship, it is in the heart of a pet and it touches us. If you are able to accept love for all that it is and all that it isn’t, then love knows no bounds.

And so it is.

It is all in the context

It is all in the context

BACKGROUND:

The reality is that I hate doing the dishes but I also use an insane amount of Tupperware during the week. When I get home every day from work I have about 3-5 bags with me that I dump in the living room. I don’t wash the table besides once a week. I wash my hair maybe 2-3 times per week and shave my legs probably 2 times per week. My kitchen is tiny and I live alone.

When I am around my friends they see the chaos and the mess in the kitchen but if you open the fridge it is organized AF!!!

I do chores throughout the week but typically wait for Friday night clean up all the dishes. And by Sunday the house is ready for another week of messes.

WHAT HAPPENED:

A relationship had developed from strictly fiends to potentially more. (It’s all in the context). He has only seen me as the hot mess friend. A whirlwind of dirty hair, gym clothes, Tupperware and an artistic flare. As soon as the context changed… I changed.

I walked into the house and found it in its typical messy insanity. Dishes everywhere and out of order.

In the context of friends… he had seen my house a mess and me in just sweats, wet hair and glasses.

Now in this new context of possibly moving the relationship from friends to potentially more the mess wasn’t presentable.

I walked in and there is a mound of dishes! I knew I didn’t have time to wash them so… this happened.

Yep… I shoved all the dishes underneath the sink. Then there were still more dishes so I filled my work cooler. I dry shaved my legs, put on clean clothes, took down my hair (this never happens), wiped down the table, shoved my work bags into a closet and started cooking for us.

It is amazing what you will do to look good in fear of looking bad. I am writing this and laughing at myself. I am committed to showing up as the real human. No more fear, just reality.

And so it is.

Fear is Excitement without Breath

Fear is Excitement without Breath

I have been taking with a lot of people about fear recently and then a wonderful woman in my life talked about excitement and it all fell together. Fear is what holds us back and keeps us small. Our ego steps in whenever their is opportunity for growth and brings up the fears around that potential growth. You have to be able to take the leap, be unreasonable and trust that on the other side of fear will be growth and a world of wonder that you would have never dreamed possible.

Fear is healthy but also is an opportunity. Fear is what makes you act in actual unsafe situations. But, with practice you will be able to determine what is unsafe vs. what is ego.

Your natural fight or flight does not need to be activated all the time. Fight or flight is your entire system being in a state of excitement. Your senses are heightened and you are READY. In this situation you are without breath. You are only in action mode. In danger this is perfect because all you can do is act. When you start to feel this excitement I challenge you to take a breath.

Take a breath.

Bring yourself back into your body.

Question if you are actually in danger.

Question the way ego is keeping you small.

Question what would your life be like if you acted out of excitement vs. fear.

When you are ready to grow you will come RIGHT up to the edge of change. You will be in a state of excitement. Ego will step in and tell you all the reasons that you should not take the action to move on the other side of the line.

Ready for the real reflection?

Ready for the real reflection?

All relationships are a mirror.

You may not be ready for it and when the relationship is going sour, it can be hard but you need to take a deep dive inside during these hard times so both people in the relationship can rise.

The universe will provide you each person who you need at exactly the right time in order for you to peel away a layer and understand more about yourself. You just have to be ready and willing to stare that mirror in the face until you can figure out what it is reflecting back on you.

You. You. You.

It all rolls back to you. Instead of point the finger at the other person, I recommend that you first need to start by pointing it at yourself. If you actually take this look inside you will see how or the ways you changed yourself during that relationship. What “little things” did that person do to you or what are the things that just drove you crazy? What were you not able to communicate? What were you not able to hear in what they were saying. What filter are you seeing them through. What blinders have you put on.

Examples:

When he/she said they want you to be honest no matter what, and then you just omitted some of the details, then you did not hear what they said.

I am not condoning violence or verbal abuse or any bad situations.

I want everyone to take a dive inside and REALLY look at yourself. How are you hearing people and what of your personal issues are you filtering conversations through?

Sometimes mirrors show up that you may not be ready for. If you are not ready to look yourself in the mirror in a pit-fall of a relationship, you will create the same issue inside a different one. (Sound familiar? “I just cant seem to meet a nice guy/girl?” “I only date bad guys/girls.” ) Sometimes when you wake up and realize it was you… then you can see people and old relationships through a whole new lens and possibility.

This work is hard. This work is meaningful but this hard, meaningful work on yourself will allow your relationships and your communication to soar.

There is so much opportunity if you are willing to be vulnerable and listen to your own stories you are see people live into. It takes two to tango and 50% of that relationship is you vs. 100% of what is being done “to you”.

Watch your patterns and see them and when someone asks you about them instead of becoming defensive really look at why things are stressing you out. It is an internal reflection that is there for you to choose.

I recently went through this with a partner. They wouldn’t respond to my calls or my messages. I had a bit of a melt down but then choose to look inside to see what was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong to change them and push them away. After a few days, I was able to finally see later that the way I was acting was also pushing them away. When I go up into my head instead of just sharing with them I create the push away.

By me not sharing that they had not called me babe I was creating an emotional barrier of “I guess I am not good enough.” By sharing this vulnerability and need I opened myself up and shared how it affected me and then was able to get into their shoes and really support them through their own struggles. By sharing where my brain goes and telling them I was not feeling “good enough” we broke down a mirror and we are able to see eachother again.

The reason you see it in someone else is because you can see it inside yourself.

What reflections are you ready to see? What ones are you working on? Which ones keep showing up?

And so it is.