My dad’s girlfriend died

Absence is an opening that envelopes me.

The breathe I have is shallow and pained

The tears are warm but filled is gratitude.

The strength of your children feeds my steps.

The stories are ours to keep.

Grab my hand, hold my heart.

The darkness is dulled through the joy you gave us.

4 years ago my parents split. This was a very strange time in my life. It seems as if I had never really seen my parents in the same room on purpose, so I was not really surprised but they had been together for 35+ years. My mom wanted something different and my dad was heart broken.

After the divorce was final, dad quickly was introduced by a co-worker to Debbie. They were inseparable. This was also another new strange sensation because the time that my dad didn’t spend with mom, he had spent with me. I was 28 and my best friend had found a new best friend. Moving forward he always came with a companion.

After 4 years Debbie passed of brain cancer.

Earlier this year, I was frustrated with Debbie and her unwillingness to allow me to see her. I only wanted to love her and help her through this time of pain. Instead of staying in the frustration or the story I told myself about her condition, I called her for the first time and got to talk to her about how much appreciation I had for her. She was the woman that stood by my dad’s side, took him in and put up with all of his quirks. This was the last time I would be able to talk to her and I’m so glad I was able to put everything to the side and just talk to her.

I have pure gratitude for her life and her children. She really loved my dad, just for him. She was his friend and couldn’t wait to spend every moment with him. I can only hope to find this kind of friend/love in my life time. Her children have taken my dad into their lives and taken care of him. I can’t believe their strength and how much they have impacted my lives. I didn’t sign up for extra siblings but I’m sure glad someone put my name on that list. She’s their strength, genuine kindness and pain through this time has made me proud to welcome them in.

To Debbie and Family:

Thank you for always standing by my father’s side and welcoming me in. When my “flame” may have dulled, you and my family/community have stood for me and knew that blowing some air, adding some kindling or dousing me with gasoline would bring me back. Life is so bittersweet and thank you so much for allowing me to share my life with you. Each of you have added to my story and I am so proud to be a part of this “common-unity.”

And so it is.

To those who wait

Do not wait to have a conversation, to meet the girl, to talk to the boss. Know rarity and spark when you see it. I challenge everyone to act when your gut tells you to and don’t allow you head or your story to get in the way.

If you wait a year…

That is a year of meeting people. That is a year of YOU meeting people and a year of ME meeting people. If you didn’t take action when you first wanted to then that makes “me” a second thought.

It is not anyone else’s responsibility to take the initiative to have the conversation. If you blame someone else or a situation for not taking the initiative it will show that you actually were too weak or it just was not the right time.

If you know someone through a mutual friend, do not put the responsibility on them. Take action. Ask for that girls number, make that phone call, send that text message.

If you want that job, you have to make yourself different and put tools in your toolbelt to make you stand out. Find a mentor, read a book or watch a webinar. There is so much opportunity for you to set yourself apart and in the time we live in there is so much information and education all around us that you can empower yourself easily.

Be bold. Be different.

I am rare. I am driven. I am beautiful and I am powerful. It has taken me quite some time to know these qualities and not see them as hindrances. But in them, every day I find strength. I can lean on them and I know when I am down that they will lift me up. This stands true for both my work relationships, my family relationships, and my personal relationships.

These qualities now have become standard in my life. Only those who lift me up, make me smile, and push me to continue to rise will be in my life.

Those who wait, I will pass by. Those who wait, still have qualities, confidence and lessons that they’re questioning about themselves. I respect where everyone is in their own life but the people i invest time in are also shift, growing and learning.

I am not someone to sit and wait.

If someone chooses something in their life, respect that and they will respect you too. Do not challenge that decision, only question and support it. You will learn something from yourself in this.

Find and define your own rarity. Find and define your own drive. Be comfortable in both procrastination and excitement. In this moment, I call for you to take action. If it’s making that relationship work, lifting those weights or applying for that job; make a move.

You are worth your dreams. Please don’t wait. I challenge you now to recognize and believe in your own procrastination and drive.

In rest is beauty it is time to dive inside sort some things out and define exactly what you want. In that time you can create a plan can be formed to initiate the drive.

Do not wait.

You are worth that jump, that leap, but you must see the rarity around you. Allow that rarity that you see to echo the rarity within.

And so it is.

The List

The list is a concept that goes with manifestation but also recognition of the things you want in your life.

The list is a literally a list of qualities, actions, features, and dreams you want to find while looking for your significant other. This is a list that evolves and changes over time. It doesn’t matter how long or how short or how many times you change “the list”. The important thing is to continue to add to it while you meet people.

You do not have to add to this list only after dates but after meeting any person and finding and noticing a quality that you’d like to see in your other.

Example list:

  • Boldness.
  • The way he looked at me, made me feel like I was the only person in the room.
  • Someone with the strength to make me feel safe.
  • The way he makes me laugh so hard that I could pee myself.
  • How well he knew me. Instead of being annoyed that I need to stop in the car to pee, it became a joke. “I bet you have to pee in 3 miles.”
  • Sends me dumb memes.
  • When his hand always seems to find mine.
  • Expects me to rise and challenges me to be a better person.
  • Someone that understands the intimacy of kissing my forehead.
  • Pet friendly.

You do not have to add to this list only after dates. You can learn things from all people round you. What about your co-worker, a friend or a stranger do you LOVE and would love to see in your partner. Notice the qualities and add to your list.

Example additions:

  • I want someone that “lights up” like the little old man at the gym that greets me at the door every day.
  • I want to go on random coffee and cupcake dates like I have with my gay-best-friend.
  • I like that my boss always takes my ideas into consideration. I don’t expect them to respond immediately but I want someone that can have a conversation with me.
  • Respects my career like my staff do.

This is an opportunity to always grow. I challenge you to find the positive in every person you encounter, not matter how challenging the situation. What is one thing you want to walk always with that you want your next date to mimic.

Someday, when you are ready all the things on your list will show up in one person. Cherish it. It can be scary. It can be terrifying. You will find yourself pushing them away because you will need to determine and find inside yourself that you are worthy of the wonderful person you’ve been working on manifesting for YEARS.

For now, have fun. Learn from every person and add, delete and edit your list. Do not be surprised by the beautiful ways that your list shows up exactly the way you asked.

Always add and repeat to yourself when you review your list, “Or something better.”

And so it is.

Featured Photo: My lifelong friend is an amazing owner, makeup artist and esthetician of Wildflower Beauty in Lake Mill Wisconsin. She has always been self-driven, creative and unique. She married her tall dark and handsome husband in 2017.  I adore her, her family and her never ending love for life.

Check out Brittany today!

https://wildflower-beauty.blog/

https://wildflower-beauty.com/

Manifestation

Manifestation is all about trust. It’s about committing fully and the ability to give the goal, the dream, the wish 100% over to the universe or God. (Pick the term that resonates best with you).

Manifestation is having a believe that something can come true. Knowing it so much that you’re able to hand over the entire believe to the universe. Trust comes in when you hand it over. Hand it over and releasing the judgement or being frustrated with the when or the how. You only can go into the believe of already having it. The universe WILL then work within your believe system to start lining up the world around you so that that exact hope and dream will show up.

Once you doubt or judge the when and how you were putting up a block. You are question if you are worth that dream and blocking its ability to show up. It’s not that it won’t happen it’s that there is a wrinkle in time for that believe to show up. If it doesn’t happen the way you thought it would happen then you need to get more specific.

Example: for years I’ve dreamed of moving somewhere warm. I would put myself in the idea of getting to wear shorts every day and no need for huge comforters on my bed. A little while later while living in Milwaukee I still would dream every day. I moved into a delightful apartment waiting for he universal powers to help me manifest my dream. I move into my new apartment and funny to find out that my new place is HOT!!! Like 85 indoors during the middle of winter. I only could laugh. The universe gave me what I was looking for, I was not specific enough with the dream. I lived in a delightful home where I could wear shorts every day.

Trust is small but it it it also big.

Start small.

When you get in the car in the morning sit there for minute. Close the door, your coffee is still steaming and put your feet on the ground. In this one second l think about the drive to work.

Not about all of the things you have to do when you get to work but just think about the drive to work.

See yourself getting one green light and your favorite parking spot. Notice, that I did not say all green lights. No, just one. In this 5 seconds before you’ve even left your parking spot you have given the universe a signal, a direction and a wish.

Drive to work, if you’re joyful and you have your green light show up and I can imagine you will have a big smile on your face. Know in this moment you manifested that. The universe will show up.

One green light, one smile, one hope will start another positive moment. Will you see a brand new car that’s shiny clean? Will the sun peaked around the sun the corner of a cloud? Will a coworker invite you to coffee?

Pull into that favorite parking spot. And smile as you successfully walking to your office without spilling your coffee have matching shoes on and your name tag it is on right side up.

Every day I start by sitting down at my kitchen table. I sit down with my favorite cup of coffee and a blank page in my journal and usually Pinterest. Pinterest is a happy place why not start there? Even if I only get three pictures and at least have started with something happy.

At the beginning of each week I try to start my week with a list of things I want to accomplish or might be fun to manifest. Not big things, small things. I’m realistic in my expectations and I set the expectations low so that I feel excited when the universe blows my mind. In the same goal setting session, I also recognize three positive things that happen from the week before. For example someone complimented me on an outfit, or someone thanked me for the way responded to an email or how much weight I left it in the gym. Small things but having gratitude for the positivity around me. The more I recognize and have gratitude for the things around me the more I will manifest the things that I know are coming to me.

Have joy.

Start small.

And find something small to be grateful for. Do you have a great manicure today? Did you find a penny? Did your significant other send you a funny meme?

Manifestation is a choice, manifestation is trust, manifestation is joy and manifestation is handing the impossible over to the universe.

And so it is.

Featured Photo: This photo is the day I could’ve gotten in the car and immediately driven off but instead I took the five seconds to stand there and look at the sunrise. Feet on the ground and some gratitude.