Love Knows No Bounds

Love is like an open hand filled with Play Dough.

The Play Dough can take any shape it wants in an open hand. It can take the shape of heart, pet, house, friendship but it knows no bounds in an open hand. It can spread and it can grow. It can be thick and thin.

Love, like an open hand of Play Dough, knows no bounds, beginning or and end. If you allow it to “just be” it then it will continue to grow.

Love doesn’t know restrictions or space.

When you put restrictions on it and start to close your hand it seeps out in all the spaces you don’t want it.

Just like you do not love one child more than another, you cannot force another person to love in one way. You cannot control their love and you cannot force them to start or stop. When you begin to try to mold love it comes out in all the spaces you don’t want to.

If a relationship ends, the love does not end. The relationship changes and the love continues.

Love is in a friendship, it is in the heart of a pet and it touches us. If you are able to accept love for all that it is and all that it isn’t, then love knows no bounds.

And so it is.

The way you do fitness, is the way you do life.

However you are currently “doing fitness” or how you approach your health is also how you are showing up in all aspects of your life.

Think about it.

1. Do you make time for your health and fitness? Is this an area that you have made a priority? If so, then you are making time for family, friends and your health. You communicate your priorities and if something is not in alignment with this goal you make adjustments to accommodate both in your life.

2. When you walk into the gym are you a social butterfly? How else is this showing up in your life? Are looking for an escape or a release from what’s really important? You may eb-and-flow between focus and distraction. At work when you don’t want to complete a task, do you find people to talk to? When you are uncomfortable do you make jokes?

3. Are you avoiding your health and fitness? Are you confused even where to start? Where is this showing up in your life? There are projects that you are avoiding and you have not done the research to get started. There is a conversation you likely have been avoiding with an ex-girlfriend, a boss or a stubborn parent. There is a trip you have always wanted to take and you dream about it daily but have not started the planning.

4. Do you go between two extremes? All in or all out. You go balls-to-the-wall and go every day, only to find that in a week or two you burn out and go back to the other extreme of sleeping and not eating for your optimal health. How else does this show up in your life? Do you work day and night on a project and once it is complete you curl up on the couch with your favorite blanket for a week? Do you drink an entire bottle of wine and then claim that you will not drink again? Do you date a girl and see her every day but in a month you jump ship?

5. Do you have a systematic approach to your health and wellness? You workout on a regular basis, like clock work and never deviate from the plan. Sometimes the same plans goes on for months or years. How else does this balance show up in your life? But, do you also not have enough fun? It’s all routine and very little play. You are able to go to work and the gym but where is the adventure?

What do all of these have in common?

Choice.

Your circumstances do not define who you are or who you will be. Becoming aware of your way of being is the first step in becoming who you want to be and where you want to go.

You can catch yourself in your way of being. Notice the habits you get stuck in and take action to break the routine. In each of these cases you can only improve. Start with your approach to fitness and you may discover all the other avenues that your life can take. Hire a trainer to keep you accountable, find a friend that will workout with you but won’t let you be a social butterfly, put the workout into your calendar and set a goal.

Define your fitness and create your life.

And so it is.

It is all in the context

BACKGROUND:

The reality is that I hate doing the dishes but I also use an insane amount of Tupperware during the week. When I get home every day from work I have about 3-5 bags with me that I dump in the living room. I don’t wash the table besides once a week. I wash my hair maybe 2-3 times per week and shave my legs probably 2 times per week. My kitchen is tiny and I live alone.

When I am around my friends they see the chaos and the mess in the kitchen but if you open the fridge it is organized AF!!!

I do chores throughout the week but typically wait for Friday night clean up all the dishes. And by Sunday the house is ready for another week of messes.

WHAT HAPPENED:

A relationship had developed from strictly fiends to potentially more. (It’s all in the context). He has only seen me as the hot mess friend. A whirlwind of dirty hair, gym clothes, Tupperware and an artistic flare. As soon as the context changed… I changed.

I walked into the house and found it in its typical messy insanity. Dishes everywhere and out of order.

In the context of friends… he had seen my house a mess and me in just sweats, wet hair and glasses.

Now in this new context of possibly moving the relationship from friends to potentially more the mess wasn’t presentable.

I walked in and there is a mound of dishes! I knew I didn’t have time to wash them so… this happened.

Yep… I shoved all the dishes underneath the sink. Then there were still more dishes so I filled my work cooler. I dry shaved my legs, put on clean clothes, took down my hair (this never happens), wiped down the table, shoved my work bags into a closet and started cooking for us.

It is amazing what you will do to look good in fear of looking bad. I am writing this and laughing at myself. I am committed to showing up as the real human. No more fear, just reality.

And so it is.

Ready for the real reflection?

All relationships are a mirror.

You may not be ready for it and when the relationship is going sour, it can be hard but you need to take a deep dive inside during these hard times so both people in the relationship can rise.

The universe will provide you each person who you need at exactly the right time in order for you to peel away a layer and understand more about yourself. You just have to be ready and willing to stare that mirror in the face until you can figure out what it is reflecting back on you.

You. You. You.

It all rolls back to you. Instead of point the finger at the other person, I recommend that you first need to start by pointing it at yourself. If you actually take this look inside you will see how or the ways you changed yourself during that relationship. What “little things” did that person do to you or what are the things that just drove you crazy? What were you not able to communicate? What were you not able to hear in what they were saying. What filter are you seeing them through. What blinders have you put on.

Examples:

When he/she said they want you to be honest no matter what, and then you just omitted some of the details, then you did not hear what they said.

I am not condoning violence or verbal abuse or any bad situations.

I want everyone to take a dive inside and REALLY look at yourself. How are you hearing people and what of your personal issues are you filtering conversations through?

Sometimes mirrors show up that you may not be ready for. If you are not ready to look yourself in the mirror in a pit-fall of a relationship, you will create the same issue inside a different one. (Sound familiar? “I just cant seem to meet a nice guy/girl?” “I only date bad guys/girls.” ) Sometimes when you wake up and realize it was you… then you can see people and old relationships through a whole new lens and possibility.

This work is hard. This work is meaningful but this hard, meaningful work on yourself will allow your relationships and your communication to soar.

There is so much opportunity if you are willing to be vulnerable and listen to your own stories you are see people live into. It takes two to tango and 50% of that relationship is you vs. 100% of what is being done “to you”.

Watch your patterns and see them and when someone asks you about them instead of becoming defensive really look at why things are stressing you out. It is an internal reflection that is there for you to choose.

I recently went through this with a partner. They wouldn’t respond to my calls or my messages. I had a bit of a melt down but then choose to look inside to see what was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong to change them and push them away. After a few days, I was able to finally see later that the way I was acting was also pushing them away. When I go up into my head instead of just sharing with them I create the push away.

By me not sharing that they had not called me babe I was creating an emotional barrier of “I guess I am not good enough.” By sharing this vulnerability and need I opened myself up and shared how it affected me and then was able to get into their shoes and really support them through their own struggles. By sharing where my brain goes and telling them I was not feeling “good enough” we broke down a mirror and we are able to see eachother again.

The reason you see it in someone else is because you can see it inside yourself.

What reflections are you ready to see? What ones are you working on? Which ones keep showing up?

And so it is.

To those who wait

Do not wait to have a conversation, to meet the girl, to talk to the boss. Know rarity and spark when you see it. I challenge everyone to act when your gut tells you to and don’t allow you head or your story to get in the way.

If you wait a year…

That is a year of meeting people. That is a year of YOU meeting people and a year of ME meeting people. If you didn’t take action when you first wanted to then that makes “me” a second thought.

It is not anyone else’s responsibility to take the initiative to have the conversation. If you blame someone else or a situation for not taking the initiative it will show that you actually were too weak or it just was not the right time.

If you know someone through a mutual friend, do not put the responsibility on them. Take action. Ask for that girls number, make that phone call, send that text message.

If you want that job, you have to make yourself different and put tools in your toolbelt to make you stand out. Find a mentor, read a book or watch a webinar. There is so much opportunity for you to set yourself apart and in the time we live in there is so much information and education all around us that you can empower yourself easily.

Be bold. Be different.

I am rare. I am driven. I am beautiful and I am powerful. It has taken me quite some time to know these qualities and not see them as hindrances. But in them, every day I find strength. I can lean on them and I know when I am down that they will lift me up. This stands true for both my work relationships, my family relationships, and my personal relationships.

These qualities now have become standard in my life. Only those who lift me up, make me smile, and push me to continue to rise will be in my life.

Those who wait, I will pass by. Those who wait, still have qualities, confidence and lessons that they’re questioning about themselves. I respect where everyone is in their own life but the people i invest time in are also shift, growing and learning.

I am not someone to sit and wait.

If someone chooses something in their life, respect that and they will respect you too. Do not challenge that decision, only question and support it. You will learn something from yourself in this.

Find and define your own rarity. Find and define your own drive. Be comfortable in both procrastination and excitement. In this moment, I call for you to take action. If it’s making that relationship work, lifting those weights or applying for that job; make a move.

You are worth your dreams. Please don’t wait. I challenge you now to recognize and believe in your own procrastination and drive.

In rest is beauty it is time to dive inside sort some things out and define exactly what you want. In that time you can create a plan can be formed to initiate the drive.

Do not wait.

You are worth that jump, that leap, but you must see the rarity around you. Allow that rarity that you see to echo the rarity within.

And so it is.

The List

The list is a concept that goes with manifestation but also recognition of the things you want in your life.

The list is a literally a list of qualities, actions, features, and dreams you want to find while looking for your significant other. This is a list that evolves and changes over time. It doesn’t matter how long or how short or how many times you change “the list”. The important thing is to continue to add to it while you meet people.

You do not have to add to this list only after dates but after meeting any person and finding and noticing a quality that you’d like to see in your other.

Example list:

  • Boldness.
  • The way he looked at me, made me feel like I was the only person in the room.
  • Someone with the strength to make me feel safe.
  • The way he makes me laugh so hard that I could pee myself.
  • How well he knew me. Instead of being annoyed that I need to stop in the car to pee, it became a joke. “I bet you have to pee in 3 miles.”
  • Sends me dumb memes.
  • When his hand always seems to find mine.
  • Expects me to rise and challenges me to be a better person.
  • Someone that understands the intimacy of kissing my forehead.
  • Pet friendly.

You do not have to add to this list only after dates. You can learn things from all people round you. What about your co-worker, a friend or a stranger do you LOVE and would love to see in your partner. Notice the qualities and add to your list.

Example additions:

  • I want someone that “lights up” like the little old man at the gym that greets me at the door every day.
  • I want to go on random coffee and cupcake dates like I have with my gay-best-friend.
  • I like that my boss always takes my ideas into consideration. I don’t expect them to respond immediately but I want someone that can have a conversation with me.
  • Respects my career like my staff do.

This is an opportunity to always grow. I challenge you to find the positive in every person you encounter, not matter how challenging the situation. What is one thing you want to walk always with that you want your next date to mimic.

Someday, when you are ready all the things on your list will show up in one person. Cherish it. It can be scary. It can be terrifying. You will find yourself pushing them away because you will need to determine and find inside yourself that you are worthy of the wonderful person you’ve been working on manifesting for YEARS.

For now, have fun. Learn from every person and add, delete and edit your list. Do not be surprised by the beautiful ways that your list shows up exactly the way you asked.

Always add and repeat to yourself when you review your list, “Or something better.”

And so it is.

Featured Photo: My lifelong friend is an amazing owner, makeup artist and esthetician of Wildflower Beauty in Lake Mill Wisconsin. She has always been self-driven, creative and unique. She married her tall dark and handsome husband in 2017.  I adore her, her family and her never ending love for life.

Check out Brittany today!

https://wildflower-beauty.blog/

https://wildflower-beauty.com/

After intimacy, he changed.

While helping people I hear this all to often.

 

“He was amazing and sweet and we had some great dates and then we got intimate and he changed. His communication change, he drifted away. I am anxious that I ruined things.”

Everyone gets nervous.

This is my pep-talk to anyone that may be experiencing this type of anxiety.

 

Know that everything you have, and everything you have to offer is AMAZING! You are more than sex! If that’s all he was trying to go after then you deserve better. You need to know that you’re worth amazing. You are worth your wildest dreams and then more!

 

If he wants to walk away form AMAZING, let him walk.

 

State what happened. ” We were dating and then we got initiate. After getting intimate he no longer talks to me the say way.” This is exactly what happened. The story you are telling yourself is where you are driving yourself crazy. Nothing in what happened did he say that you are not worth his love, or that he is not interested. Your anxiety is rising from the “meaning” you are assigning to what happened.

 

After those great dates and good conversation you have things to add or delete from “your list“. You can add that you loved the way he talked to you, greeted you and made you smile. You deserve that all the time not just before getting intimate.

 

Set yourself up as an expectation for dates to rise to.

“How do you do that?”

 

State exactly what you expect, and don’t always give in. Don’t always be available. Live your life and fit them in when you can.

 

If you get too annoyed and he is starting to trail off, just cut it off and move on. He is not worth “wondering” if he can’t understand your worth. State exactly what your expectations were and are.

 

Example:

“I love the way you talked to me in the beginning. Because you gave me that, it became a standard and an expectation. You proved to me that you’re capable of it. After we became intimate you decided to back off and I’m on not OK with that. I want more that you currently are giving me. I am going to back off and wish you luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for but I am going to look for someone that can rise to my standards.”

 

You are not accusing him of anything, you are not assuming anything. You are simply stating the truth and sharing that your current needs and expectations are not being met. What happened and not the story.

And so it is.

 

 

Featured photo: I worked with this beautiful, strong, independent woman, Teral when I lived in Milwaukee. She is someone that always creates her own path, her own style and lives the life she wants to live. No matter what gets thrown at her she comes out stronger, more creative and presents herself with an positive outlook. She

Teral is the owner of Salvage Apparel and Neck Ties & High Heels in Milwaukee, WI. She has taken second hand shopping to a whole new level by creating unique, bold and strong sense of personal style for her customers.  

Check out Salvage Apparel today!

https://www.etsy.com/shop/SalvageApparel

https://www.facebook.com/SALVAGEapparel/?pnref=lhc

https://www.facebook.com/necktiesandhighheels/

 

Manifestation

Manifestation is all about trust. It’s about committing fully and the ability to give the goal, the dream, the wish 100% over to the universe or God. (Pick the term that resonates best with you).

Manifestation is having a believe that something can come true. Knowing it so much that you’re able to hand over the entire believe to the universe. Trust comes in when you hand it over. Hand it over and releasing the judgement or being frustrated with the when or the how. You only can go into the believe of already having it. The universe WILL then work within your believe system to start lining up the world around you so that that exact hope and dream will show up.

Once you doubt or judge the when and how you were putting up a block. You are question if you are worth that dream and blocking its ability to show up. It’s not that it won’t happen it’s that there is a wrinkle in time for that believe to show up. If it doesn’t happen the way you thought it would happen then you need to get more specific.

Example: for years I’ve dreamed of moving somewhere warm. I would put myself in the idea of getting to wear shorts every day and no need for huge comforters on my bed. A little while later while living in Milwaukee I still would dream every day. I moved into a delightful apartment waiting for he universal powers to help me manifest my dream. I move into my new apartment and funny to find out that my new place is HOT!!! Like 85 indoors during the middle of winter. I only could laugh. The universe gave me what I was looking for, I was not specific enough with the dream. I lived in a delightful home where I could wear shorts every day.

Trust is small but it it it also big.

Start small.

When you get in the car in the morning sit there for minute. Close the door, your coffee is still steaming and put your feet on the ground. In this one second l think about the drive to work.

Not about all of the things you have to do when you get to work but just think about the drive to work.

See yourself getting one green light and your favorite parking spot. Notice, that I did not say all green lights. No, just one. In this 5 seconds before you’ve even left your parking spot you have given the universe a signal, a direction and a wish.

Drive to work, if you’re joyful and you have your green light show up and I can imagine you will have a big smile on your face. Know in this moment you manifested that. The universe will show up.

One green light, one smile, one hope will start another positive moment. Will you see a brand new car that’s shiny clean? Will the sun peaked around the sun the corner of a cloud? Will a coworker invite you to coffee?

Pull into that favorite parking spot. And smile as you successfully walking to your office without spilling your coffee have matching shoes on and your name tag it is on right side up.

Every day I start by sitting down at my kitchen table. I sit down with my favorite cup of coffee and a blank page in my journal and usually Pinterest. Pinterest is a happy place why not start there? Even if I only get three pictures and at least have started with something happy.

At the beginning of each week I try to start my week with a list of things I want to accomplish or might be fun to manifest. Not big things, small things. I’m realistic in my expectations and I set the expectations low so that I feel excited when the universe blows my mind. In the same goal setting session, I also recognize three positive things that happen from the week before. For example someone complimented me on an outfit, or someone thanked me for the way responded to an email or how much weight I left it in the gym. Small things but having gratitude for the positivity around me. The more I recognize and have gratitude for the things around me the more I will manifest the things that I know are coming to me.

Have joy.

Start small.

And find something small to be grateful for. Do you have a great manicure today? Did you find a penny? Did your significant other send you a funny meme?

Manifestation is a choice, manifestation is trust, manifestation is joy and manifestation is handing the impossible over to the universe.

And so it is.

Featured Photo: This photo is the day I could’ve gotten in the car and immediately driven off but instead I took the five seconds to stand there and look at the sunrise. Feet on the ground and some gratitude.