LEARNING to ask for what I WANT has been more challenging than I even anticipated. ⠀⠀
As a child, I was trained that it was not safe to want and it wasn’t even safe to ask for what you needed. It was safer to just go out and get it for yourself. In result you have me… the woman that will figure out just about anything. Outrageously creative, action orientated and ambitious. These are all great until I am forced into a scenarios when I need to ask for what I need and goodness maybe even what I want. ⠀⠀
With everything going on in my life currently I physically, mentally and financially CANNOT do it all on my own and the universe created a scenario where I had to learn to say yes, ask the people in my life and potentially be let down more than ever in my life. And yet, the people in my life have stepped up and my heart learns to trust a little more with every “yes”. ⠀⠀
There have been days when I asked for what I needed and it was fulfilled and I just crumble into tears. Being heard, cared for and knowing I am not actually burdening the people in my life has been a huge learning experience I never anticipated and still am working through.
Letting the people in my life show up for me and. my family is a vulnerable experience. They are seeing the raw side of me vs. all the strength I have portrayed over the years. And I know I am tackling all of this in an perfectly “Raschel” way.
Some wants are realistic and some are just barriers. Trusting the universe to provide me the prefect path to create this outrageous life is difficult and worth it.
I want to be held.
I want the people in my life to check on me as a human not as a caregiver.
I want my my mom’s cancer to pass quickly.
I promise to make life interesting, not perfect.