In 2018-2019 I decided to take on a challenge to not shop for clothing for an entire year. I had recently taken on a higher payment for my student loans, needed to find a little money through the year and it was an interesting experiment to see how I would adjust.
When the year came to a conclusion I decided I would take on something more serious. Something I don’t have a good relationship and rules my life.
This beast has controlled me much of my life. I have a relationship with sugar that once I start I don’t stop. Until, tomorrow … maybe. Once I have some in my body my entire mind stirs out of control and I am in the “I have already fucked this day, my as well just eat what I want and start over tomorrow,” mindset.
No matter how “healthy” I am I have had a corrupt relationship with sugar and all of the decadent treats that it fills.
I wanted to know what was possible for me on the other side of this “psychological” control. So, from Thanksgiving 2019 to Thanksgiving 2020 I am following the following “rules.”
Unfortunately the cravings are still there. I anticipate at this point that they always will because it is my trigger food. When I am stressed, tired, or hungry sugar is what I want. Every time I go to the grocery story my mouth waters thinking about all the things I want to buy. Over all it is kind of easy though. I have the conviction to just say no and it has been a good test for myself to know that it is possible to live like this.
My skin is clearer and I have less stomach aches (probaly because I am not bingeing on bags of candies). I likely have saved a lot of money, just have not calculated it quite yet.
I have not lost a tremendous amount of weight because I track macros and I used to just work the sugar into my program.
I was already spending a lot of time in the grocery store looking at ingredient lists because of my other health restrictions and yet I am still surprised to see sugar in everything. Tomato sauce? Just why?
What I wasn’t expecting:
I’m more vulnerable. I’m more aware. I’m taking bigger risks. I’m seeing how my actions affect others. I’m working on me and healing this hole in my heart that can’t just be fixed by eating.