It is amazing what fear does inside your head and how you act it out unconsciously to “keep you safe”.
I designed a meditation about fear to work through the “reasons” for why I have been sabotaging my own success in the arena of my body transformation.
I have come to a point along my transformation where people are starting to notice and comment about the changes. This is an uncomfortable feeling because it is uncharted territory. I know how to be mediocrely fit, super strong, kinda fluffy and “thick”. This fit girl is new and weird because I don’t know how to be her. I only have history to relate to and in the past when I was smaller I was sick, accomplishing weight loss through unhealthily doing cardio and eating erratically.
A few weeks ago my coach said to me, “You are going to be in the 160s in no time.” My mind freaked out. I don’t know how to be in the 160s. I have never even thought that was a possibility. I know how to do 170s pretty unsuccessfully but the 160s, NOPE. I am really good at 180 or more. This new territory is uncomfortable and my ego craved to go backwards into the comfortable. I began sabotaging my success. I know how to over eat. I was with family and friends which became the perfect outlet. “Because” they were all eating I didn’t want to be difficult I just did what I always do… eat all the food and not be accountable to it.
My craving and desire to be in control and to be comfortable was “fed” by doing things that I knew how to do.
Most of this was all happening unconsciously. I knew that I was eating, I knew I was not tracking it and I knew that it was not going to get me to my goal but WHY?
My need for security and control were so strong that I was willing to compromise everything, (Progress, integrity, possibility).
In my case:
If there is no such thing as feelings then there is no such thing as security, and there is no such thing as uncomfortable.
I declare to be the cause in my life instead of creating because(s). Instead of getting stuck in the “what if” I am going to jump into the unreasonable.
Reason = Because
Action = [be]ing the cause
And so it is.