I broke up with “Red” and had to find a new gym because he was kind of scary and I had no desire to see him again much less every day while I’m trying to work on my sport. I decided to try another branch of the same gym a little bit away. On my first day at this new gym I had planned to quickly get in my lift, shower and then head off to get a massage on this particular evening. I had it planned down to the minute to make sure I could get everything in that I needed. Chiro was on the opposite side of the gym from me while I warmed up, I had noticed him but didn’t think much of it because of the pre-workout flowing through my veins. I walked over to the squat rack and started doing my exercises for the day. He was near by and he struck up a conversation about my movements, what workout I was doing. I found out that he was a chiropractor (that’s where Chiro comes from, I didn’t just spell Cairo incorrectly). I stopped mid-sentence to let him know that I didn’t mind talking but I had to keep working if I was going to make my appointment. His face was kind of priceless at this point, a bit of pure shock and a little respect.
We continued to talk and then he came out and said, ” Can I take you to dinner tonight?” In very Raschel fashion I responded, “Well, I am getting a massage but after 7pm I am free. He looked at me funny but you have to be kidding me if you think I am canceling a massage for a date. In this moment of accepting a date my evening got significantly more complicated.
I had planned on showering, no makeup, putting sweats on and then getting a massage. I had not planned on the exact opposite. I finished my workout, my heart rate was through the roof because I was excited but I also knew I also threw into the mix of running to Ulta to get some makeup for this date. Showered, blew dried my hair, put the clothes on I wore to work (good thing i had randomly wore heels this day), and i had exactly 7 minutes to pick out a few things of makeup and still make it to my massage on time.
I got me out right at 7pm. I sat in my car, put my makeup on while Chiro and I messaged back and forth to determine the plan for the evening.
We met in a natural space and I jumped into his car. I let him pick the restaurant because I was still new to the area. (Also one of the few times he made his mind up) It was my first experience with Indian food and it was fantastic and the company was even better. Over the following weeks so we got to know each other. He was finishing up his doctorate in chiropractic, his work schedule was crazy and he was in the midst of a divorce trying to fight for custody with his child.
Flash forward.
The apartment I lived in had a lot of problems regulating the temperature. It was regularly 80 degrees and sometimes worse if I was cooking. I had invited Chiro to come over and I would cook us dinner. I was cooking away and it was ridiculously warm in my place. He complained and asked if he could take his shirt off. I responded, “sure go for it.” Not really thinking much about it i kept cooking and when i turned around there was this 6’2″ man that had muscles and was built like the actors from the movie 300. I know for a fact my jaw dropped and he gave me a smirk and walked into the living room to watch tv. Dinner was great and the company continued to be amazing.
When I realized it was all breaking down:
He was constantly canceling dates, basically for every date there were 2-4 canceled. This annoyed the crap out of me but I really liked him. Not only was he at fantastic to look at but he had a mindset of a competitive athlete, mixed with book smarts and mindfulness. He had taken the time to really learn about himself and the power of a positive mindset (this is very hard to find especially in my age bracket).
On a very memorable Tuesday he had asked me out for a date and I was super excited I got all dressed up and even put real shoes on. 15 minutes before the date he canceled. I crawled into my car and I just sat there in disbelief. I cried. I stopped crying and went to lift weights.
Why had I given this boy so much control of my emotions? Why was I crying? Why was I letting him control me going and living all of my life? That was the day where I said no more. I have standards; I wasn’t living them and I wasn’t sharing the real me with him.
Basically, I from then on assumed he was going to cancel on me, so I just stop talking to him. And he didn’t reach out to me. It was an easy end, until I saw him in the gym. I knew that if he tried to talk to me, I would just tell it “like it is.”
And that’s exactly what I got to do.
He walked up to me trying to be friendly and I was just cold. There is physical distance but there’s also emotional and energetic distance. There was a cold front headed his way. He asked how I was doing and what I had been up to. I was polite and answered his questions and asked a few other questions to catch up on the surface.
Then he asked why things had gone bad between us. And I spoke my truth. To paraphrase, “I need more from you and a partner. You were not able to give me the time and attention I expect. The reality is, I want someone who minimally wants to know that I’m alive every day. That was not on your priority list.”
His face was stunned. I wished him well and that I was happy that he was doing well.
Even though I adored many things about him, he wasn’t able to give me what I needed. Trying to get him to fit the mold of what I needed was stringing him along.
Flash forward 10-12 months or so…
I had broken up with “The Narsasistic Psychopath,” and Chiro came to my mind. He was always so gentle, inspiring and well, HOT. I hadn’t seen him in months and on this day I took myself to the gym and at the end of my workout had a long chat with my friend Laura in the gym about Chiro. I told her about how we first met. Towards the end of this conversation I turnaround on a Tuesday night and there stands Chiro. He never works out at night. I know I am good at manifesting when I’m really in the flow but … BAM! We chatted and caught up a little. Same flirting as always.
Weeks and weeks later he still contact me about every other week. The ball has been in his court for some time especially after I told him he had a chance with me but he was going to have to prove me wrong and whisk me off my feet, show up and be present.
I gave him the courtesy and warned him that someone else was gonna snatch me up. I told him I wasn’t waiting for him.
And this time, that is exactly what happened. Someone else stepped in. Chiro asked to see me and I had to let him know that I was giving someone else a shot. This was the first time when he was shocked and was really down.
Not a little to late… A LOT too late.
Things I learned / Added to the list:
- I really like someone that doesn’t like/can’t eat sweets. It’s easier to stay away from them.
- Someone athletic is a plus!
- The way he kissed my forehead.
- He knew how to get me to start thinking positively.
- The movie 300 is awesome.
- I am a planner, being with someone that can’t understand that… is rough.
- Wear the pretty dress because its Tuesday, not because of a boy.
- Set your standards and both you and others rise to them.
- Say it like it is, ALWAYS. Not only is it fun but very empowering.
And So It Is.
Edgeless Action 