After intimacy, he changed.

While coaching people I hear this all to often.

“He was amazing and sweet. We went on a few great dates and then we got intimate and he changed. His communication change, he drifted away. I am anxious that I ruined things.”

Everyone gets nervous.

This is my pep-talk to anyone that may be experiencing this type of anxiety.

Know that everything you have, and everything you have to offer is AMAZING! You are more than sex. If that’s all he was trying to go after then you deserve better. You need to know that you’re worth amazing. You are worth your wildest dreams and then more.
If he wants to walk away form AMAZING, let him walk.
State what happened. " We were dating and then we got initiate. After getting intimate he no longer talks to me the say way." This is exactly what happened. The story you are telling yourself is where you are driving yourself crazy. Nothing in what happened, did he say that you are not worth his love, or that he is not interested. Your anxiety is rising from the "meaning" you are assigning to what happened.
After those great dates and good conversation you have things to add or delete from "your list". You can add that you loved the way he talked to you, greeted you and made you smile. You deserve that all the time not just before getting intimate.

Set yourself up as an expectation for dates to rise to.

“How do you do that?”

State exactly what you expect, and don’t always give in. Don’t always be available. Live your life and fit them in when you can. If you get annoyed and he is starting to trail off, just cut it off and move on. He is not worth “wondering” if he can’t understand your worth. State exactly what your expectations were and are.

Example:

“I love the way you talked to me in the beginning. Because you gave me that, it became a standard and an expectation. You proved to me that you’re capable of it. After we became intimate you decided to back off and I’m on not OK with that. I want more that you currently are giving me. I am going to back off and wish you luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for but I am going to look for someone that can rise to my standards.”

You are not accusing him of anything, you are not assuming anything. You are simply stating the truth and sharing that your current needs and expectations are not being met. What happened and not the story.

And so it is.


More from Edgeless

%d bloggers like this: